BUBBAS HEX ANIMALS Santeria high priestess dispenses ‘grandmother of all curses’

The Santeria high priestess at Harvard Square on Monday afternoon.

By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya

FSN Sports

Last month, reporters at one of the West Nashville Beelzebubbas’ weekly press availabilities laughed when owner Mos Ded announced that he was preparing “the grandmother of all curses” against the Cambridge Animals, who in 2015 had announced the “mother of all curses” against the Bubbas. On Monday afternoon, some of them gasped as Ded kept his promise.

Members of the media covering the Bubbas-Animals game in Cambridge received an invitation to gather at Harvard Square at noon for what the announcement billed as “a revelation of how the NFFA works.” They witnessed the arrival of an elderly woman described as a high priestess of Santeria — an Afro-Caribbean religion involving animal sacrifice. She was dressed all in white except for a red sash and a large red flower in her headdress, and she occasionally puffed on a large, fat cigar.

The priestess was accompanied by Anton Chigur and four members of the Bubbas’ Fruit of Astarte security team, who spread out white sheets on the floor where the priestess and her “assistant” — a doll dressed in a matching outfit — were to sit. 

As reporters and photographers gathered around, the priestess produced from under her blouse a faded photo of Animals’ owner Dave the Animal, on whose face she drew a mustache and multiple pockmarks with a red Sharpie pen. Then she began to chant a monologue that, except for the words “Cambridge Animals” and “Garfield,” were unintelligible to the onlookers. After several minutes, she turned to the doll and exclaimed, “It is done!” before unleashing a loud, disturbing cackle.

The woman did not remain for questions, nor did reporters attempt to ask any. One member of the FoA security detail, however, did respond to a question about why no chickens were sacrificed in the ritual in accordance to what is widely believed to be a practice of Santeria. “You have just seen an Animal sacrifice,” the guard replied ominously. “No chicken was necessary.”

Significantly, perhaps, the Animals needed less than 12 points Monday to overtake the Bubbas, but their two players in the game scored barely half that amount. As a result, the Bubbas have swept the Animals in the regular season for the second consecutive year.

Afterwards, as he and Chigur were celebrating in the visitors locker room, Ded was asked whether the season sweep made up the Bubbas’ loss to the Animals in last year’s championship game. “No,” Ded replied with a slight smile. “Some debts cannot be repaid.”