Mojo D invokes Baller's special advisor Mike Tyson at the Blue Room's VIP media reception Friday during the weekly Pie Town Pep Rally.
By Soren Bernyn
FSN
At a free-wheeling, cocktail-infused pre-party for the media in the Blue Room at Third Man Records before the weekly Pie Town Pep Rally, Baller-in-Chief Mojo D offered brief remarks in response to the lengthy NFFA Newswire feature on the Sylvan Park Dead Cherokees' inaugural season.
“I mean, who talks that much in the NFFA? We are men of action,” Mojo D stated. “not bloviating windbags like James f*cking Joyce - workshopping his bullsh*t in a masturbatory tome, instead of cutting to the chase of the smack? Let me improve that."
"Bronko Nagurski is an ungrateful, thieving, punk-ass rookie, and Ditka is a knuckle-dragging thug. They are nothing without me bringing them into this league - NOTHING! I hope the Deadbeats are prepared for - in the words of NFFA poet laureate Woody Larry - a prison rape so brutal their farts will never make a sound and their wives will forever see them as women.”
Recent Baller hanger-on and self-appointed Mojo D hype man LaVar Ball intimated that "them other NFFA motherf*ckers want to see a 'Pie Town Beat Down’ to keep that rookie sh*t in line. F*ck that Cinderella sh*t — ain’t nobody wants to see a worst-to-first: other people done poured their souls into this, for these pussy-ass bitches to drop in and win it all they first season. F*ck that.”
Mojo D added, “To quote Goodrow: ’yeah, I guess we’re friends, but f*ck that motherf*cker.’ And Goodrow is not alone: I’ve received well-wishes of support from my fellow veteran owners of the league, but Goodrow wanted to make sure he was on the record. There are lots of people across the NFFA who want to see the Deadbeats humiliated - I can only imagine how this gets stuck in Q Curl’s craw. Poor Q, trapped in Boris Johnson's London..."
After getting out to a last-place 4-6 start to the 2019 campaign, the Ballers have been a juggernaut, riding a four-game win streak to close out the regular season and drilling the Animals by nearly 100 points to kick off the team's 8th-straight playoff run.
“My teams have played in five of the last eight NFFA Championship games,” Mojo D reminded the frenzied crowd. “But we haven’t brought home the ring since 2014. We are overdue and have brought in special advisor Mike Tyson for the Championship game: his infinite wisdom drives our confidence,” gesturing to the Tyson projection over his shoulder : “everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.”
"The Dead Cherokees seem very pleased with their game plan, and we expect to disrupt that sh*t in the most violent way possible.”
Around then, Baller coach Jack White cranked up his guitar to deafening feedback and shouted at Mojo D: "shut the f*ck up - let’s play!” The Blue Room erupted in a 140bpm/110-dB version of the Jack White-Mojo D anthem “Rather Be Lucky [Than Good] {Any Day}”, the drinks flowed, the people moved, LaVar Ball balled and the "Pie Town Beat Down Pep Rally” was on.
Stay tuned for Championship Weekend updates. In the early minutes, SPDC QB Jameis Winston has thrown 2 INTs, one for a pick-6.
