MCMAHON MEETS MEEMAW MURRMAN

Jim McMahon poses for a photograph before enjoying a victory
breakfast at Fat Bubba Dog's Sunny Side Up restaurant.


MCMAHON MEETS MEEMAW MURRMAN
After winning a squeaker, opponent's grandmother cooks breakfast for Black Dogs coach

By R.E. Porter, Associated Web Press

When East Nashville coach Jim McMahon arrived at Fat Bubba Dog's Sunny Side Up restaurant in Alamo, Texas, Monday morning, he was there for two reasons: to have a victory breakfast — his Black Dogs had eeked out a single-digit win over the hometown Scouts the night before — and to meet Eudora "Meemaw" Murrman, grandmother of Scouts owner Thurman Murrman.

According to McMahon, he wanted to meet the Murrman matriarch because she had "beat the the unholy piss out of Triki Bobber." And meet her he did. Meemaw Murrman came out of the kitchen to shake hands with the coach. As they shook hands, he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and called her a "great American."

Then, as was her way, Murrman asked McMahon what he would be having for breakfast. "Well, your Southwestern omelette is famous all the way back in Nashvegas, so let's have one of those, with whatever sides you recommend," he said. "And, oh by the way, I'm buying breakfast for everyone in the house."

As he waited for the breakfast he later called "one of the two or three best I've ever had," the coach of the 3-0 Dogs offered a few comments on the other developments in week three.

"I saw on the waiver wire where Bobber cut his suck buddy Wes Welker. Don't quote me on this, but it sounds like a domestic quarrel."

Getting warmed up, he continued: "I feel bad about the Bakers, but it looks like they're running out of buildings to burn down and team figures to kill in order to get fired up. I fear for Amy Winehouse's safety, and I plan to avoid QCurl for awhile myself."

When asked about the 0-3 start by the Mojo, McMahon responded, "Who? Oh, you mean, Mojo D-feated? Yeah, I noticed the Animals went easy on them, but we're going to show no mercy. I have a feeling, by the end season, he'll be looking back on 0-3 as the glory days."

On the plane back to Nashvegas, McMahon was asked by one of the sportswriters traveling with the team about his unusually quiet demeanor at the Sunny Side Up earlier that day — in other words, why wasn't he his usual, smack-talking self? Especially considering the Black Dogs' 129.5-122 win over the Scouts ran their all-time record against Alamo to 10-0. He said he hadn't wanted to be disrespectful to Meemaw Murrman, but added, "Just because you don't always slap your bitch, doesn't mean she isn't still your bitch."

SHARIF SPONSORS REHAB RODEO

Jackrabbit Slim aboard Palin's Dream on Saturday.

SHARIF SPONSORS REHAB RODEO
Money Raised for New Furious Foundation

By Faith Popcorn, Bakers' PR Director

In what critics this weekend have called a major distraction, 12th Avenue Bakers owner QCurl Sharif escorted troubled singer Amy Winehouse to his own Furious Foundation's Rehab Rodeo held at the Tennessee State Fairgrounds.

Sharif has pledged millions personally to help those who suffer from substance abuse, a pledge that has grown out of his grief following the death of close friend Furious George last month. Winehouse and Sharif have been linked together before when it was revealed following this year's Grammy Awards that Sharif had created Winehouse's oversized shoes by painting her bare feet black and manipulating "some cardboard I found in her dressing room."

It seems Winehouse had forgotten her shoes before her London Grammy gig.

"I wanted to return the kindness," said Winehouse Saturday night, from the pressbox above the rodeo grounds. "Sharif believes so much in his new calling. The least I could do would be to come here and support him. Plus I can't get these bloody things off my feet."

The rodeo featured over 100 addicted monkeys competing in various events. And an emerging star may have been born as Jackrabbit Slim rode Palin's Dream to victory in six events — including the centerstage Ring of Fire Ben Hur Roundup. It must be noted that three of the contestants in that event were mercifully euthanized — both rider and mounts.

Later, Sharif was seen with an unconscious and partially clothed Winehouse at Club Gitmo where he reportedly was pouring Touchdown Tasers down her throat with the help of a funnel and stomach tube. The two were again seen attending the taut Bakers-Sea Hogs tilt, with Winehouse apparently draped across the back of one of Sharif's unidentified bodyguards. Because of the new friendship, it has been reported, that Sharif will be producing a country version of "Rehab" for Winehouse in an effort to jumpstart her latest comeback.

Some critics in the media — most notably the AWP's Larry Woody — have claimed that this weekend's rodeo proves that Sharif cares very little about the Bakers' fortunes.

"He couldn't be landing farther from the truth," said Sharif from his luxury box. "This team is special. I've said it before. And Amy is a huge Bakers' fan. She's partied at the Cherry Bomb in the past and she loves country music. It's the people she hates."