Corsairs Coach Ray-Ray Lewis and Owner/GM Mojo D talk to the media outside the federal courthouse in Nashville
By Soren Bernyn
Fantasy Sports News
Responding to a lower-court decision to vacate their 2014 NFFA Championship, the Corsairs filed on Thursday an injunction to the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals. Senior Judge Martha Craig Daughtrey granted the injunction, and has set a trial date of January 19, 2016, to "give all sides in this dispute the opportunity for proper discovery."
Backed by Corsairs Coach Ray-Ray Lewis, a visibly perturbed Mojo D addressed the specific charges contained in the complaint outside the federal courthouse in Nashville, just down the street from the Corsairs' home field, The Roofie at Music City Center:
"1. Yes, NFFA payments were late - not withheld. Clerical mistakes were made in accounting, and those responsible have been dealt with harshly. We have made good on our past payments, and our check is in the mail for 2015.
"2. There is no existing NFFA trophy; ergo, we made one. You may pry ours from my cold, dead fingers, but not before. But you may also create your own, should you ever win it all, Q Curl. The league damn sure won't give you one.
"3. I would expect another team to invoke the 160-hour rule, but not Q Curl -- his deep understanding of the fluidity of quantum time-space, and trans-dimensional, planar membranes should preclude the small thinking that produces such an odd, unenforceable rule. 160 sidereal hours is but a blink in the Continuum."
Against his attorney H. Louis Dewey's advice, the Corsairs GM continued: "This is another lame attempt to unseat the reigning NFFA Champion - this seems to come around every season, and it's meant to distract us from the upcoming draft.
"There are any number of technical challenges: can the undead/re-animated be party to a lawsuit? Can a Ukrainian national sue in US federal court? Who is the unnamed third party?"
At that point, Lewis took the mic:
"The Black Dogs didn't get anywhere with how Tom Brady's balls were handled, so now this half-assed sh*t comes along. The lawyers will fight it, and the Corsairs will go play fantasy football - and win!
"Right now, we are headed back to the War Room (note: the Corsairs have re-located their draft HQ to hipster-infested Pinewood Social) to run scenarios on how to make the most of the four -- count 'em, bitches: four -- picks we have in the first two rounds of the 2015 Draft. From there, we figure out how to continue this dynasty."
Lewis referenced two last-hour transactions that could shape the Corsairs' season: trading WR Odell Beckham Jr. for the Beelzebubbas' 2nd-round pick (#15 overall), and moving WR Dez Bryant and a 4th-round pick to the Bakers for the Bakers' 2nd-round draft pick (#13 overall). The moves give the Corsairs fully 25% of the top 16 picks, even though they are all clustered between #8 and #16.
