Thursday, September 4, 2008

THE BOBBER FILES

Bobham Young's teenage "spiritual" brides react to the news that their
husband was actually the criminally insane fugitive Triki Bobber.


THE BOBBER FILES
Criminally insane fugitive owner poses as Mormon polygamist

By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya, Fantasy Sports News

At a remote federal detention facility where Triki Bobber is being held, the story of the re-suspended Sea Hogs owner continues to grow longer and stranger.

In an exclusive interview supervised by FBI special agents Clarice Starling and Fux Mildew, this reporter learned that, prior to his brief career as the radical ecoterrorist known as Bob Appleseed, the fugitive owner also had posed as the heir to Brigham Young in order to hide from federal authorities in Mormon polygamist communities.

Sources in Colorado City, Ariz. — a notorious polygamist community patrolled by armed guards in black SUVs — confirmed that Bobber, whom they identified through photos, lived there for several months. “He said his name was Bobham Young and that he was the great-great-great grandson of Brigham Young,” said Jefson Jeffs, a local rancher.

Other locals said that the imprisonment of the Mormon sect’s patriarch, Warren Jeffs, left a leadership void that Bobber attempted to fill. “Since he was descended from the Elder, he started telling everyone what to do in God’s name,” said Jemmaline Jeffs. According to Ms. Jeffs, Bobham Young awarded himself six teenage “spiritual wives.”

Agent Mildew said that he had been conducting a larger investigation into the polygamist community when the activities of “Bobham Young” came to his attention. He became suspicious immediately that “Young” was an impostor and gradually became convinced that the polygamist leader was actually Triki Bobber. Unfortunately, he said, he was unable to persuade his superiors to allow him to arrest “Bobham Young,” who was perhaps tipped off to the investigation and disappeared from Colorado City. Then the trail grew cold again.

After the fugitive’s departure, Mildew obtained a search warrant and obtained DNA samples from a comb left behind in Bobham Young’s primary residence in Colorado City. Mildew said that the DNA “did not appear to be of human origin.” Mildew also said that the children born to four of Young’s spiritual wives in the months after his departure could not have been Bobber’s. “First,” said Mildew, “the DNA didn’t match. Second, we found old records showing that Bobber had been forcibly sterilized under a court order when he was a juvenile in Arkansas.”

Breaking News: Bobber’s attorney, Fen Wei Park, alleges that her client has been subjected to torture and other inhumane treatment during his imprisonment. She said she would soon produce shocking photos and would file suit in federal court.

Next chapter: Bob America in Alamo, Texas.