Sunday, March 20, 2016

MARCH MADNESS: CORSAIRS SACK LEWIS, HIRE MEGATRON AS HEAD COACH

Corsairs Owner/GM Mojo D introduces new head coach Calvin Johnson Friday. Mojo D tearfully acknowledged the contributions of outgoing coach Ray Lewis, but said "it was time to move on to the next chapter of our dynasty."

By Soren Bernyn, FSN

In an unexpected move Thursday, Corsairs GM Mojo D announced that Calvin “Megatron" Johnson will be the team’s new coach for the 2016 campaign. 

"I was going to wind up with too much time on my hands, and I think my wife will be happy to have me out of the house," the future NFL Hall of Fame WR said. "I always wanted to be a Corsair - even when they were the Midtown Mojo - and I'm looking forward to playing for a winner at last, and leading them back to the NFFA championship."

The reporter asked Mojo D about parting ways with Ray Lewis. "Ray-Ray has been an integral part of the Corsairs' organization since is retirement from active ball, including the unprecedented two NFFA championships in three seasons." The owner/GM choked up as he continued "that man was like a cousin to me, and I will never forget the lessons of his leadership. But it's time for everybody to move on: Ray-Ray showed us how NFL retirement brings out the best in an NFFA coach, and we expect the same will happen with Megatron as we began our march back towards the championship for 2016."
Ray Lewis declined comment for this story.

The relationship between the GM and the coach seemed to deteriorate toward the end of the season, and the two had a loud verbal confrontation after the team lost in the first round of the playoffs (after dominating their division all season). It has been reported that the two have not spoken since that postgame set-to. It was widely expected that Peyton Manning would be named the new head coach -- he is a favorite of the Corsairs' mystery woman, Miss Lee-Yhn -- but Mojo D quickly deflected a question in that vein: "That may or may not have been the case, but sometimes sh*t happens and you adjust on the fly: that's The Corsairs Way, and there's not a better embodiment of that than Megatron."


The announcement came on Thursday, St. Patrick’s Day, which is also Mojo D’s birthday - Megatron got in the spirit by leading the media and throng of fans in a funky version of "Happy Birthday," punctuated by Jack White’s searing guitar work. As the last feedback echoed across the Music City Center in downtown Nashville, the new coach ended the media availability by saying “Erin Go Bragh, motherf*ckers! Let’s go drink some green beer!"