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| New West Nashville Beelzebubbas head coach Jerry Glanville takes questions at the press conference earlier today announcing his hiring. |
By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya
FSN Sports
In a surprise announcement this morning, the West Nashville Beelzebubbas named Jerry Glanville as the team’s new head coach.
Glanville, who previously coached the Houston Oilers and Atlanta Falcons and served as an occasional hunting companion to league founder Dr. Jorgé Linardo, was introduced at an 8 a.m. press conference in the swank Palenque room at Club Gitmo.
The announcement seemed to give some clarity and direction to the organization that many believed had been missing since the death of owner Boyd X. Biggs, who had been the only coach in the team’s history. Since Biggs’ tragic death in a fire at the JoJo-a-Go-Go, the question of exactly who makes personnel and game decisions for the team has been something of a mystery.
“I was stung as much as a ghost can be stung by the claim that our team was rudderless,” admitted the Ghost of the Ghost of Biggs, who introduced Glanville to the media. “But as Chuck (Barris) pointed out to me, we went to the championship game three out of four years before I died the first time, and we haven’t been back there since. In hindsight, I think maybe I’ve been spread too thin.
“We needed to shake things up a little,” said Biggs, adding without elaboration that the team might make additional “thunderous” moves in the coming weeks.
In his own remarks, Glanville promised to return the team to its freewheeling, bare-knuckle roots. “Mr. Linardo asked me if we’re going to kick ass and take names, and I told him no,” Glanville said, alternately sipping a Colt 45 and a can of Red Bull. “I told him we don’t have time to take names because we’re going to be so busy kicking ass, and he started laughing silently. Some people say the NFFA has become a gentlemen’s league, and we sure aim to end that kind of foolishness.”
Glanville bristled momentarily when WKRN’s Joe Biddle asked whether the new coach had been hired, in part, because the Bubbas hoped to capitalize on his long association with Elvis Presley, perhaps even bringing him back to Nashville to headline the Bacchanalia to the Future. “You know,” Glanville said after a moment’s reflection, “I’m not the first one to say this, but it’s amazing the kind of bullshit you hear when you don’t have your gun.” Glanville admitted that he would continue his custom of leaving two seats at the will-call window for Presley, “and if he comes and wants to do the halftime show, we’re not going to stop him. But we’re focused about what happens on the field. We’re not here to play football. We’re here to commit football, like the NFFA motto says” — an apparent reference to the Latin phrase “E Pluribus Mayhem” that appears on the league’s official logo.
In a separate announcement on the Beelzebubbas website, the team revealed that former adult film star Karl Hungus and Jackie Treehorn Productions would head up a new video-on-demand division of the team’s operations, which will deliver team highlights, behind-the-scenes videos, and “other content” for a monthly subscription, according to the press release.
Glanville, who previously coached the Houston Oilers and Atlanta Falcons and served as an occasional hunting companion to league founder Dr. Jorgé Linardo, was introduced at an 8 a.m. press conference in the swank Palenque room at Club Gitmo.
The announcement seemed to give some clarity and direction to the organization that many believed had been missing since the death of owner Boyd X. Biggs, who had been the only coach in the team’s history. Since Biggs’ tragic death in a fire at the JoJo-a-Go-Go, the question of exactly who makes personnel and game decisions for the team has been something of a mystery.
“I was stung as much as a ghost can be stung by the claim that our team was rudderless,” admitted the Ghost of the Ghost of Biggs, who introduced Glanville to the media. “But as Chuck (Barris) pointed out to me, we went to the championship game three out of four years before I died the first time, and we haven’t been back there since. In hindsight, I think maybe I’ve been spread too thin.
“We needed to shake things up a little,” said Biggs, adding without elaboration that the team might make additional “thunderous” moves in the coming weeks.
In his own remarks, Glanville promised to return the team to its freewheeling, bare-knuckle roots. “Mr. Linardo asked me if we’re going to kick ass and take names, and I told him no,” Glanville said, alternately sipping a Colt 45 and a can of Red Bull. “I told him we don’t have time to take names because we’re going to be so busy kicking ass, and he started laughing silently. Some people say the NFFA has become a gentlemen’s league, and we sure aim to end that kind of foolishness.”
Glanville bristled momentarily when WKRN’s Joe Biddle asked whether the new coach had been hired, in part, because the Bubbas hoped to capitalize on his long association with Elvis Presley, perhaps even bringing him back to Nashville to headline the Bacchanalia to the Future. “You know,” Glanville said after a moment’s reflection, “I’m not the first one to say this, but it’s amazing the kind of bullshit you hear when you don’t have your gun.” Glanville admitted that he would continue his custom of leaving two seats at the will-call window for Presley, “and if he comes and wants to do the halftime show, we’re not going to stop him. But we’re focused about what happens on the field. We’re not here to play football. We’re here to commit football, like the NFFA motto says” — an apparent reference to the Latin phrase “E Pluribus Mayhem” that appears on the league’s official logo.
In a separate announcement on the Beelzebubbas website, the team revealed that former adult film star Karl Hungus and Jackie Treehorn Productions would head up a new video-on-demand division of the team’s operations, which will deliver team highlights, behind-the-scenes videos, and “other content” for a monthly subscription, according to the press release.
