Thursday, September 8, 2016

Breaking news
IT'S ON
Commissioner McMahon kicks off NFFA's 15th season of play

Commissioner Jim McMahon answers a question at this morning's press conference.

By R.E. Porter
Associated Web Press

Commissioner Jim McMahon held a press conference early this morning to commemorate the start of the NFFA's fifteenth season. Standing in front of the NFFA Tower in downtown Nashvegas and flanked by deputy commissioner Meadow Soprano, the new commissioner praised the league's longevity.

"Though it doesn't seem like it's been a decade and a half, it is an undeniably great accomplishment that we stand here today to kick off the fifteenth season of the Nashvegas Fantasy Football Association," McMahon began, reading from prepared remarks. "Most fantasy leagues don't make it to the five-year mark, and we have tripled that since our launch in 2002. 

"On top of that, five of the eight original founding franchises — the Atlanta Smack Daddies, the Cambridge Animals, the East Nashville Black Dogs, the London Bakers, and the West Nashville Beelzebubbas — are still in the league," the commissioner continued. "The Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs have been part of the league since our third season — which also was my first year in the league when I was an assistant to Stumpy Legg for the Bakers. The Downtown Corsairs have been in the league eight years and the Village Green have been in the league for five years, so we have not only enjoyed longevity, but also stability.

"So with all that said, it's my great pleasure to say in regards to the start of the 2016 season tonight: IT'S ON!"

McMahon then opened the floor to questions. After a few innocuous queries about the forthcoming season, local sportswriting legend Woody Larry asked a pair of questions that gave the press conference a dramatic turn.

"Mr. Commissioner, I have two questions," Larry said. "First, do you think it is appropriate for you to place wagers on NFFA games? There are eyewitnesses who say they saw you try to place a bet on The Village Green earlier this week at the Club Gitmo Sports Book when there was a severely inflated line — the Green were getting 166.7 points against the Black Dogs at the time.

"These same eyewitnesses say they also saw Black Dogs owner Bill Money and GM Marshawn Lynch arrive with a satchel full of cash and try to get bets down on the Green, as well," Larry continued. "So my second question is do you think that it's appropriate for team owners and executives to bet against their own teams?"

Seemingly unperturbed by the questions, McMahon calmly said, "I have no idea what you're talking about, Woody, and I'm pretty certain I have never been to a sports book at a place called Club Gitmo." At that point, Meadow Soprano quickly stepped to the podium and whispered in McMahon's ear. Then she said to the gathered media, "That's all for today, the commissioner is late for an appointment." Then McMahon and Soprano hurriedly went inside the NFFA Tower. 

Observers couldn't help but be left with the impression the commissioner was ducking Larry's questions. Efforts by the AWP to reach McMahon after the press conference were unsuccessful. 

More on this story as it develops.