Monday, August 25, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: BOBBER'S SUSPENSION LIFTED

Cash (left) and Mo Money, shown here from their days as fashion models, have been relieved of their duties as deputy commissioners of the NFFA.


MONEY LIFTS BOBBERS SUSPENSION

Bobber to run team's draft war room from behind bars

By R.E. Porter, Associated Web Press

At freewheeling press conference this afternoon, NFFA commissioner William D. Money announced that he has lifted the suspension of Fidalgo Island owner Triki Bobber and reinstated the Sea Hogs as the reigning NFFA champions.

"I can't speak to the charges which have landed him in federal custody, but Bobber was wrongly suspended by the league and for that we apologize," Money said. As a result of lifting the suspension which was imposed by the commissioner's daughters and deputy commissioners, Cash and Mo Money, Bobber will be able to helm the Sea Hogs draft tonight from the federal detention facility where he is being held.

Standing on the steps of the NFFA Tower in downtown Nashvegas, Money also told the gathered media his daughters are no longer employed by the league as deputy commissioners. When asked if the sisters had been fired as his deputies, Money said the reporter should ask them.

On a related note, the commissioner announced that he had lifted the suspension of wide receiver Marvin Harrison for his involvement last year in the human pit fights being held on Fidalgo Island. "Marvin gave his full cooperation to the FBI, and it is based on their recommendation that I decided to lift his suspension, which makes him available for tonight's draft," Money said. The AWP has learned, however, that 12th Avenue Bakers owner Q. Diddy is wanted for further questioning by the bureau regarding his presence at the human pit fights.

The press conference was the commissioner's first public appearance since being rescued from a North Korean prison. The media peppered him with questions about his ordeal, but he refused to provide any details, explaining that he had retained a literary agent who was in negotiations with a major book publisher for the rights to his story.