Thursday, December 13, 2012

Postseason awards, Hall of Fame announcement
WILDER THE ANIMAL,
BOY GENIUS


Cambridge QB Tom Brady (left) was selected 2012 MVP today by the AWP, while East Nashville's Jim McMahon (center) was chosen coach of the year. Cambridge GM Wilder the Animal (right) is holding a photo of his 11th round draft coup Rob Bironas, a pick which set him on the path to be named the league's top executive.

 By R.E. Porter
Associated Web Press

In a made-for-TV moment already preserved for posterity in the infamous 12th Avenue Bakers draft bunker video, new Cambridge GM Wilder the Animal — or WTA as he is known in the Boston media — selected placekicker Rob Bironas with the second pick in the 11th round and sent shock waves through the NFFA which reverberated all the way to the annual AWP postseason awards. 

Wilder the Animal's 11th round draft gambit forced the hand of QCurl Sharif, mercurial owner of the 12th Avenue Bakers, who has a well-documented and unhealthy attachment to longtime Baker placekicker Bironas. Because Sharif could not bear to field a team without his "precious," as he calls Bironas, WTA was able to bait the Bakers owner into the biggest swap of players in league history, a trade that in retrospect appears to have been a particularly ill-advised move on the part of the Bakers. The key player in the trade — quarterback Tom Brady — went on to lead the league in scoring and was named the 2012 NFFA MVP today by the AWP. Wilder the Animal was named executive of the year, in no small part because of the trade for Brady. WTA, who is only 11 years old, is the youngest executive to ever receive the award, as well as the only exec in league history to have been grounded for questionable roster moves by the team owner, his father Dave the Animal.

East Nashville head coach Jim McMahon was named NFFA coach of the year, after leading the Black Dogs to a league-best 10-4 record and their seventh Jorge division title in the last eight years. McMahon, who earlier this season anointed himself "Lord of the Rings" because of his three NFFA championships in the previous seven seasons, has a lifetime regular-season record of 75-37, a winning percentage of .667, and has never had a losing season. In the upcoming playoffs, McMahon and the Black Dogs will try to become the first franchise to win four titles.

With an average of nearly 18 points per game, West Nashville Beelzebubbas running back Adrian Peterson was named the offensive player of the year, while 12th Avenue Bakers defensive lineman J.J. Watt was selected defensive player of the year, after scoring more points (128) than all but three other defenders. Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs quarterback Peyton Manning, who sat out all last year, was chosen comeback player of the year after finishing with the league's third highest point total. Bakers quarterback Robert Griffin III and Beelzebubbas running back Doug Martin were cowinners of the rookie of the year award.

The All-NFFA teams also were announced with the Animals, Beelzebubbas and Black Dogs each placing three players on the first team. First consideration was given to players who have spent all or most of the season with a single team.

The following is the complete list of AWP postseason awards:

AWP Postseason Awards

MVP: QB Tom Brady, Cambridge Animals
Offensive Player of the Year: RB Adrian Peterson, West Nashville Beelzebubbas
Defensive Player of the Year: DL J.J. Watt, 12th Avenue Bakers
Rookies of the Year: QB Robert Griffin III, 12th Avenue Bakers and RB Doug Martin, West Nashville Beelzebubbas
Comeback Player of the Year: QB Peyton Manning, Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs
Coach of the Year: Jim McMahon, East Nashville Black Dogs
Executive of the Year: Wilder the Animal, Cambridge Animals

All NFFA
First Team
QB: Tom Brady, Cambridge Animals
RB: Adrian Peterson, West Nashville Beelzebubbas
RB: Arian Foster, Atlanta Smack Daddies
WR: Randall Cobb, East Nashville Black Dogs
WR: Calvin Johnson, Atlanta Smack Daddies
WR: A.J. Green, West Nashville Beelebubbas
TE: Rob Gronkowski, Cambridge Animals
PK: Stephen Gostkowski, The Village Green
DL: J.J. Watt, 12th Avenue Bakers
DL: Jason Pierre-Paul, East Nashville Black Dogs
LB: Daryl Washington, West Nashville Beelzebubbas
LB: James Laurinaitis, Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs
DB: Devin McCourty, Cambridge Animals
DB: Charles Tillman, East Nashville Black Dogs

Second Team
QB: Drew Brees, Corsairs
RB: Doug Martin, West Nashville Beelzebubbas
RB: Marshawn Lynch, East Nashville Black Dogs
WR: Brandon Marshall, Atlanta Smack Daddies
WR: Vincent Jackson, 12th Avenue Bakers
WR: Dez Bryant, The Village Green
TE: Tony Gonzalez, East Nashville Black Dogs
PK: Matt Byrant, Cambridge Animals
DL: Cameron Wake, The Village Green
DL: Elvis Dumervil, West Nashville Beelzebubbas
LB: Lance Briggs, The Village Green
LB: Chad Greenway, 12th Avenue Bakers
DB: Leodis McKelvin, Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs
DB: Ronde Barber, The Village Green

Miscellaneous Awards
Highest Score: Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs, 204 points, week 3 vs. Cambridge Animals
Lowest Score: The Village Green, 64 points, week 10 vs. East Nashville Black Dogs

Five Best Draft Picks:
1. Round 3-1, 12th Avenue Bakers: QB Robert Griffin III
2. Round 5-8, East Nashville Black Dogs: WR Randall Cobb
3. Round 3-3, West Nashville Beelzebubbas: RB Doug Martin
4. Round 8-8, 12th Avenue Bakers: WR Vincent Jackson
5. Round 12-8, 12th Avenue Bakers: DL J.J. Watt

Five Worst Draft Picks:
1. Round 1-1, 12th Avenue Bakers: WR Roddy White
2. Round 1-6, The Village Green: RB Ryan Matthews
3. Round 2-8, 12th Avenue Bakers: TE Antonio Gates
4. Round 4-6, Cambridge Animals: RB Roy Helu
5. Round 6-8, 12th Avenue Bakers: RB Peyton Hillis*

* The Bakers sent Hillis to the Animals as part of a six-player trade.

Biggest Trade: Sept. 7 — In the largest swap of players in league history, the 12th Avenue Bakers sent QB Tom Brady, RB Peyton Hillis and PK Matt Bryant to the Cambridge Animals for QB Cam Newton, RB Chris Johnson and PK Rob Bironas.

Best Pregame Show: Nov. 15 — During the pregame festivities before the Fidalgo Island @ East Nashville Black Dogs game, Felix Baumgartner skydived from space into the Dawg House to deliver a pair of Sea Hogskin game balls to the referee.

Best Press Conference: Sept. 13 — QCurl Sharif, explaining profane, Nazi-themed draft bunker video.

Best New Nightclub:
Goodrow-A-Go-Go.


Gutsiest Player Move: Fidalgo Island owner Tirik Obobber naming quarterback Peyton Manning a "keeper" after spending the entire 2011 season on IR with a severe neck injury.

Best Mojo-Stealing Draft Pick: Corsairs owner Mojo D drafted longtime West Nashville Beelzebubbas running back Leon Washington in the 10th round for the express purpose of stealing at least part of the Beelzebubbas' mojo. The result? Two regular season wins over the team from the West Nasty and a higher playoff seeding.

NFFA Hall of Fame 

In a related story, NFFA deputy commissioner Meemaw Murmann today announced the inaugural class for the NFFA Hall of Fame, whose two members will include former Alamo Scouts owner Thurman Murrman (the deputy commissioner's grandson) and former 12th Avenue Bakers coach Stumpy Legg. Some media members were surprised by the announcement, since both "ThurMurr" and Legg compiled losing records during their tenure in the league. Deputy Commissioner Murmann also announced that a groundbreaking ceremony will take place in January for the Hall of Fame building, which will be erected in Alamo, Texas, on land donated by Murmann next to her Sunnyside Up Cafe.