200 x 6Sea Hogs hit 200 points for the sixth time

 Fidalgo Island scored 200 points for the sixth time in franchise history  despite leaving Jamaal Charles (34 fantasy points) on the pine.

By R.E. Porter
Associated Web Press

With 10 of 14 starters in double figures, the Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs topped 200 points in week three, overwhelming the Cambridge Animals 204 - 122.5, despite leaving running back Jamaal Charles with 34 points and wide receiver Torrey Smith with 24 on the bench. 

It was the sixth time in Sea Hogs history the team has scored 200 or more points. Only the East Nashville Black Dogs have done better, with seven entries in the 200-point club. Even if the Hogs had started their optimum lineup, they would have scored only 231 points, still short of the West Nashville Beelzebubbas' NFFA single game scoring record of 233.5 points versus the Atlanta Smack Daddies in 2007.

The 12th Avenue Bakers are the only franchise with the distinction of scoring 200 points and losing, which they did last season in week two, falling to the Sea Hogs 208.5 - 200. Originally known as the Alamo Scouts, The Village Green is the only franchise to have never scored 200 points.

The following is the complete list:

The 200-Point Club
1. West Nashville Beelzebubbas, 233.5 points (2007, week 2 vs. Atlanta Smack Daddies)
2. Cambridge Animals, 231.5 points (2008, week 10 vs. Midtown Mojo)
3. East Nashville Black Dogs, 231 points (2006, week 10 vs. Alamo Scouts)
4. 12th Avenue Bakers, 227 points (2007, week 9 vs. Alamo Scouts)
5. Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs, 220.5 (2010, week 4 vs. East Nashville Black Dogs)
6. Midtown Mojo, 218.5 points (2010, week 14 vs. Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs)
7. Midtown Mojo, 217.5 points (2007, week 7 vs. Alamo Scouts)
8. East Nashville Black Dogs, 215 points (2005, week 3 vs. Alamo Scouts)
— East Nashville Black Dogs, 215 points (2007, week 6 vs. Cambridge Animals)
10. Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs, 214.5 points (2007, week 12 vs. Alamo Scouts)
11. Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs, 208.5 points (2011, week 2 vs. 12th Avenue Bakers)
12. East Nashville Black Dogs, 207 points (2007, week 4 vs. Atlanta Smack Daddies)— East Nashville Black Dogs, 207 points (2011, week 15 vs. Corsairs)
14. East Nashville Black Dogs, 205 points (2009, week 5 vs. Animals)
— Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs, 205 points (2007, week 7 vs. Atlanta Smack Daddies)
16. Atlanta Smack Daddies, 204.5 points (2011, week 15 vs. The Village Green)
17. Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs, 204 points (2012, week 3 vs. Cambridge Animals)
18. East Nashville Black Dogs, 201 points (2005, week 6 vs. 12th Avenue Bakers)
19. 12th Avenue Bakers, 200 points (2011, week 2 vs. Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs)

SHARIF VERIFIES VIDEO, BLASTS CRITICS

 Protesters outside the Cherry Bomb Café this morning  were met with chokeholds and Touchdown Tasers.

By Faith Popcorn
PR Director, 
12th Ave. Bakers

NASHVILLE — In what appeared to be an impaired, rambling defense of the 12th Avenue Bakers 2012 draft, owner QCurl Sharif faced the press and the team's legions of fans on the steps of The Cherry Bomb Café this morning.

Sharif stood with head coach Snoop Lion and addressed those who had not only questioned this year's Bakers draft picks, but those fans who were angered over the Nazi-themed warroom in which the those picks were decided. In particular, many in the crowd ridiculed Sharif's allegiance to kicker Rob Bironas.

"The video is real, but it should be noted that in accordance with the expansive and balanced laws of the universe, and under the direction of Shiva, it became clear to me during the draft that we had to bring Bironas back into the fold — a fold from which he had been stolen by a mere babe," Sharif said. "What seems to be a minor point to many is, in fact, a deep karmic issue for the Bakers. Those who cannot see, will not see."

Amid loud calls for Sharif to excuse himself from future decisions on personnel, Snoop Lion stepped to the owner's defense, reminding the crowd that one game is not the whole season. When a reporter for the AWP pointed out that Bironas and Chris Johnson combined were outscored this past weekend by kicker Matt Bryant, who Sharif had traded to Cambridge as part of a six-player deal, the Lion held up two fingers and spoke to the restless crowd. "Game Two is all that matters," he said. "QCurl and I have no memory. This league is scary fast and the loss was rasta tough — especially considering that we were in it until Peyton blew open the fourth quarter. 

"But today we're all about taking down The Green," the Lion continued. "We take it in every day, now we're gonna take it down! Hell, Bironas will probably seal the deal! Number One Jah-love!"

When questioned about the WWII vintage Nazi uniforms worn during the draft, the German language, and his derision of many people in his inner circle, Sharif brushed the criticism aside. "We like to have fun on that night," Sharif said. "It's serious business, but we like to party. I admit I was pissed off about a couple of things — and when I get with the caviar, I expect others to take the wheel. QCurl can't drive all the time.

"This stuff was never meant to be seen," he added. "I've apologized to Faith Popcorn specifically — and thank God she at least had her clothes on when this was shot. The uniforms were meant to capture that 'work hard, play hard, be hard' thing we stress so much around here. You've got to admit those uniforms were cool as shit compared to ours back then. And, I'll be damned if I'm going to be criticized over a draft that landed RG III, Kenny Britt, Roddy White and Antonio Gates, or a trade that brought in Cam, CJ and the Precious — I mean Bironas!"

At that moment, a bottle was thrown from the crowd in the direction of Sharif and Lion, triggering a rude boy response from Bakers security and city police. The crowd surged forward as "Buffalo Soldier" blared from The Cherry Bomb's sound system. As the owner and coach were swept into the club, police and some in the crowd clashed.

It was reported that a small percentage of the crowd sported other NFFA colors, particularly those of the Corsairs and the Beelzebubba nations. Some arrests were made, but by all accounts, the scene paled in comparison to the chaos found in the adjoining streets during annual Shiva/Artemis parties, and certainly nothing like the Bacchanal week.

Breaking news BAKERS DRAFT NIGHT VIDEO LEAKED TO AWP

 

  The above video is a behind-the-scenes look inside the 12th Avenue Bakers draft warroom during the 12th round of the 2012 NFFA draft held on Aug. 26. A DVD of the video was left at the offices of the Associated Web Press earlier today. (Click on the icon in the lower right to view the video full screen.)

Breaking news TRADE WINDS SWEEP NFFA Brady, Newton, CJ2K change teams

Chris Johnson, Cam Newton and Tom Brady (L-R) were part of a  blockbuster, six-player trade on the season's first weekend.

By R.E. Porter
Associated Web Press

In a move that threatens to alter the power structure in the Nashvegas Fantasy Football Association's Jorge division, the 12th Avenue Bakers and the Cambridge Animals have pulled off the largest swap of players in NFFA history — a trade involving six offensive starters.

Shortly after 3 p.m. CST today, deputy commissioner Meemaw Murrman approved the blockbuster trade which sent quarterback Tom Brady, running back Peyton Hillis and placekicker Matt Bryant to the Animals and quarterback Cam Newton, running back Chris Johnson and placekicker Rob Bironas to the Bakers.

The trade would appear to be the final chapter in a strange tale stretching back to the second week of last season in which Cambridge owner Dave the Animal placed a curse on the 1-0 12th Avenue franchise, causing them to lose their week-two matchup despite scoring 200 points. The Bakers' season spiraled downward from there to a 2-12 regular-season finish. The reason DTA put the curse on the Bakes was because he believed they had stolen Brady from him. "I made mother[expletive] Tom Brady," the Cambridge owner, a self-proclaimed fantasy quarterback guru, crowed. "I wasn't about to have Q profit from my genius."

Reached by cell phone, team owner QCurl Sharif was downright giddy about the historic transaction. "We got Cam and CJ and the precious, plus got rid of that goddamn curse, so it's a great day in Baker nation," Sharif enthused. He went on to say he had to cut the call short because he was at 12 South Taproom toasting the team's good fortune with Baker uberfan Bill Cheatham, one of Sharif's strongest supporters and harshest critics.

According to a source close to the trade negotiations, at one point in the process, DTA offered to trade his entire franchise for the Bakers entire franchise, just to "prove his coaching genius," boasting to Bakers coach Snoop Lion and Sharif that he would "take the team with the worst draft in league history to the playoffs."

New Bakers running back Johnson said he was glad to get out of Cambridge. "Man, there's a lot of pressure up there to be gay," he said by cell phone from the training facilities of his new team. "It was too freaky for me, homes." Johnson went on to say he had heard the reason Cambridge wanted the three players in particular was because they are all gay.

Apparently, it was the Cambridge franchise's new front office wunderkind, Wilder the Animal, who finally pulled the trigger on the much-rumored trade early this afternoon. It seems Wilder has succeeded DTA's supercomputer/paramour Nancy as the brains of the team.

The AWP has learned that all six players are expected to be in the starting lineups for their new teams come Sunday.