Friday, December 18, 2009

MCMIZZLE DEPLOYS 'MAJOR JUJU' AGAINST BEELZEBUBBAS
Mayan shaman named assistant coach for playoffs

New Black Dogs assistant coach Don Carlos, shown here outside
the team's East Nashville headquarters, is in charge of juju.



By R.E. Porter
Associated Web Press


EAST NASTY — Earlier this week, West Nashville executive Chuck Barris said, "If you want to be the shizzle, you have to beat McMizzle."

He was referring, of course, to East Nashville Black Dogs head coach Jizzle McMizzle, the winningest coach in NFFA history, who the Beelzebubbas face in the opening round of the championship playoffs at the Dog House this weekend.

In five seasons, McMizzle has compiled an unmatched resume, which includes a 51-19 regular season record (.729 winning percentage), five consecutive Jorge division titles, and two NFFA championships, including last year's perfect 16-0 team.

Barris also noted recently that "the Black Dogs are still respected, but they are no longer feared." McMizzle would be the first to admit his injury-ridden 2009 squad is not the equal of the undefeated 2008 team. Maybe that's why he brought a new assistant coach on board for the playoffs, a genuine Mayan shaman named Don Carlos.

In announcing the hire, McMizzle said in a written statement, "Coach Don Carlos will be in charge of juju, and we need some major juju after losing three of our final four regular-season games."

The Don's hiring would appear to have already paid dividends. He was on the sideline last night when the Black Dogs grabbed a big lead over the 'Bubbas behind a 31-point performance by Dogs running back Maurice Jones-Drew.

Jones-Drew was seen huddling with Coach Don Carlos throughout the game, and drinking some clear liquid from a Mason jar. When asked what was in the Mason jar, McMizzle said the liquid was something called pox (pronounced posh with a long "o"), a corn elixer brought by the shaman from his native Guatemala.

According to a league official, pox is not a banned substance in the NFFA.