The Ballers' legal team: Alice D. Tripp (undated photo), Sydney Powell, Bill Barr
By Soren Bernyn
FSN
Well, it wouldn't be another NFFA season without another whiny, frivolous lawsuit from a sore loser...
True to form, the Buena Vista Ballers have secured the services of attorney Alice D. Tripp to challenge the results of the 2020 season - Tripp's statement to the media alleges "widespread fraud, collusion, cheating and - in the instance of Village Green owner Dave Goodrow - buggery, fornication and pornography." She was able to produce evidence only of the last charge.
She is joined in her efforts by disgraced litigator Sydney Powell, who has intimated that there could be an alien influence at work. To cap it all off, the legal team will also include soon-to-be-former US Attorney General William Barr, who shrugged and said of the move: "meh, I got nothin' else going on: why not?" Tripp and Powell have already filed an injunction preventing Judge Naomi Morningstar from presiding; legal scholars predict that last season's lawsuits against the Ballers will have to be fully adjudicated first (by Judge Morningstar, ironically).
Reached in Cabo, Ballers' coach Mystery Mike Tyson said "Mojo D has got to learn to let that shit go - humiliation is a very freeing experience, and he needs to lean into it." Asked to clarify, Mystery Mike added: "swept by the Bakers, man: there is nothing more humiliating, except losing a playoff berth in the last game of the season to the worst team in the league. Yeah, Mojo done lost his mojo - time to move on."
Stay tuned: NFFA lawyers are just warming up...
