COACH SMALLEY ALL SMILES FOLLOWING PLAYERS-ONLY MEETING

Tight end Jimmy Graham was ecstatic to be named one of The Green's keepers.

From wire reports

NASHVILLE—Feeling downright positive that he was signed as a franchise player for Coach Stuart Smalley, Village Green tight end Jimmy Graham called a players-only meeting on Friday night at the Village's local watering hole, Goodrow-A-Go-Go.  

Graham told the local media that he feels encouraged by the core around him including quarterback Philip Rivers, a consistent Top 5 quarterback in the league, and defensive stalwarts Justin Tuck and DeAngelo Hall, both of whom excelled in the team's defense.  

Chants of "Everyone's good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it, people like us" were heard from outside the bar as locals came by to witness the impromptu gathering. The Smalley mantra had clearly permeated the locker room of the Green... now being shouted regularly by Graham, the defacto locker room leader based on his clear dominance in the league last year.

Reached for comment at the bar, Marshawn Lynch agreed, saying, "Damn straight we're happy! Can't wait to get my meggings on for this year and run through the league!" The meggings (short for man leggings) were worn in the second half last year and boosted the performance of all the skill players on the Green — they cut down on wind resistance — and brought them to the championship game.

Following the players-only meeting, Coach Smalley showed up at the Goodrow-A-Go-Go with pals Wayne Newton and Brian Boitano, both in town for the ALL-SMILES convention at the Music City Center. "These meggings will bring us the trophy!" exclaimed Smalley as he, Newton and Boitano simultaneously yanked off their tear-away pants to reveal the new lime green meggings for all to admire.

Witnesses say at that point, several of those gathered pointed to the abnormally large bulge seen in the crotch of Boitano. The mostly heterosexual crowd seemed put off until Boitano reached into his lycra, pulled out a Ziploc bag and threw it on the table. "Purple Kush gents … 14 days till the first drug test, have at it," he said.

Also seen at the Goodrow-A-Go-Go Friday evening were several Nashville cast members, led by Mayor Teddy Conrad, who has a very "close" relationship with Smalley. Teddy was unavailable for comment.

Predraft preview LATE TRADES POSITION 'BUBBAS FOR TITLE RUN Keepers announced, no real surprises

In a late frenzy of wheeling-and-dealing, the West Nashville Beelzebubbas added two keepers, running back DeMarco Murray (above) and linebacker Luke Kuechly.

By R.E. Porter
Associated Web Press

At Club Gitmo last night, when asked about West Nashville's eleventh-hour dealings in advance of yesterday's keeper deadline, team chairman Jorgé Linardo threw back his head in silent laughter. After gathering himself, Linardo leaned in and said softly with a wry smile on his face, "We pulled off some serious [expletive]."

On the day of the predraft trade deadline, the Beelzebubbas made a pair of deals which greatly improved their prospects for the upcoming season, which will be the NFFA's thirteenth campaign. In the afternoon, they sent their eighth-round pick in this year's draft to the Downtown Corsairs in exchange for Luke Kuechly, a young Top 10 linebacker with a lot of upside. Then in the evening, they sent their first-round pick, number three overall, to the East Nashville Black Dogs for the Dogs' first-round pick, number five overall, and running back DeMarco Murray, who finished seventh in points scored among backs a year ago.

Kuechly and Murray were two of the 'Bubbas' six keepers. The following is the official list of 2014 keepers for each team:

12th Avenue Bakers
QB Robert Griffin III
RB Chris Johnson
WR/TE Jacoby Jones
DL J.J. Watt
LB Daryl Smith
DB Alterraun Verner.

Atlanta Smack Daddies
QB Nick Foles
RB Eddie Lacey
WR/TE Brandon Marshall
DL Robert Quinn
LB LaVonte David
DB Charles Tillman

Cambridge Animals
QB Tom Brady
RB Jamaal Charles
WR/TE Alshon Jeffrey
DL Chris Long
LB DeAndre Levy
DB Eric Weddle

Downtown Corsairs
QB Andrew Luck
RB Adrian Peterson
WR/TE Demaryius Thomas
DL Chandler Jones
LB Paul Posluszny
DB Morgan Burnett

East Nashville Black Dogs
QB Tony Romo
RB Matt Forte
WR/TE Antonio Brown
DL Jared Allen
LB Karlos Dansby
DB Barry Church

Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs
QB Andy Dalton
RB Montee Ball
WR/TE Jordy Nelson
DL Michael Johnson
LB Vontaze Burfict
DB Quintin Demps

The Village Green
QB Philip Rivers
RB Marshawn Lynch
WR/TE Jimmy Graham
DE Justin Tuck
LB Jerrell Freeman
DB DeAngelo Hall

West Nashville Beelzebubbas
QB Drew Brees
RB DeMarco Murray
WR/TE Cordarrelle Patterson
DL Carlos Dunlap
LB Luke Kuechly
DB Antrel Rolle

Based on points scored in 2013, the 'Bubbas' keepers scored nearly 100 more points than the keepers for the next closet team. Here's a ranking of the teams based on the number of combined points scored by their keepers last season:

1. Beelzebubbas – 1590.6
2. Black Dogs – 1498.2
3. The Green – 1452.5
4. Animals – 1437.4
5. Corsairs – 1382.4
6. Sea Hogs – 1293.0
7. Smack Daddies – 1289.3
8. Bakers – 1227.2

The Bakers may be last in terms of points scored by their keepers, but they have the first pick in this year's draft and the new owners have indicated they intend to use that pick to draft quarterback Peyton Manning, who scored the most points in NFFA history a year ago. Here's how the AWP projects the first round of the 2014 draft to play out:

1-1 Bakers – QB Peyton Manning: The Bakers have a chance to return to playoff contention with this one pick.

1-2 Animals – RB LeSean McCoy: With this pick, the Animals will have the league's most explosive backfield, featuring the top two running backs from a year ago.

1-3 Black Dogs (from Beelzebubbas) – QB Aaron Rodgers: The Black Dogs traded up to be able to pick Rodgers, which will give the franchise with three championship rings its first franchise quarterback. 

1-4 Sea Hogs – QB Matthew Stafford: The Sea Hogs need a quarterback with the departure of Peyton Manning after nine seasons with the team and Stafford is the top remaining signal caller, logging the fourth most points in 2013.

1-5 Beelzebubbas (from Black Dogs) – WR Calvin Johnson: With the selection of Megatron, the 'Bubbas will have the top receiving tandem in 2014.

1-6 Corsairs – WR A.J. Green: The Corsairs were torn as to whether they should make Green their keeper or Demaryius Thomas. As it turns out, they'll have them both again.

1-7 The Green – WR Dez Bryant: The Green declared tight end Jimmy Graham as their keeper at receiver, so they need a wideout and Bryant scored more than 200 points for the team last season.  

1-8 Smack Daddies – RB Arian Foster: Like the Corsairs and The Green, the defending champions from Atlanta have a chance to reunite with one of their top performers in recent seasons.

The 2014 NFFA draft will be held next Thursday, August 21, at 9 p.m. EDT.