Breaking news DOGS DEAL RIVERS TO HOGS

So long to the East Nasty — the Black Dogs traded beleaguered
quarterback Philip Rivers to the Sea Hogs this afternoon.

By R.E. Porter
Associated Web Press

EAST NASTY—After pulling off one of the biggest trades in NFFA history earlier today, East Nashville Black Dogs GM Buddy has made another big deal on the final day of trading, sending quarterback Philip Rivers to the Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs for kicker David Akers and defensive lineman Jason Pierre-Paul.

In a press release announcing the trade, Ryan said, "Rivers just didn't want to be a Black Dog. I personally think all those years playing for the [West Nashville] Beelzebubbas poisoned his mind against us. Hopefully, he likes to eat Swinofish."

Rivers became expendable after Ryan traded for 12th Avenue Bakers backup quarterback Matthew Stafford early this morning.

BAKERS GET MORE 'NATTY DREAD' Sharif pulls trigger on blockbuster deal

(L to R) Larry Fitzgerald, Matthew Stafford and Steven Jackson were involved
earlier today in one of the biggest trades in the history of the NFFA.

By R.E. Porter
Associated Web Press

BAKERVILLE—In a move just hours before the NFFA trade deadline, the 12th Avenue Bakers and the East Nashville Black Dogs have made a trade that ranks as one of the most — if not the most — high-profile swap of players in the 10-year history of the league.

Early this morning, the league approved the trade which sends Bakers backup quarterback Matthew Stafford to the Black Dogs in exchange for wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald and running back Steven Jackson, who was a member of the Bakers from 2008-2010.

According to 12th Avenue PR maven Faith Popcorn, Bakers owner QCurl Sharif huddled with Coach Snoop Dogg at the Cherry Bomb Cafe late into the night, as the two team honchos had what Popcorn described as an "intense discussion" about the merits of the trade offered by East Nashville GM Buddy Ryan.

Reached for comment this morning prior to the team's practice, Coach Dogg said, "I knew if we didn't get more natty dread, we were [expletive]," an apparent reference to the fact that Fitzgerald and Jackson are two of the most prominent NFL players sporting dreadlocks.

The AWP caught up with Black Dogs coach Jim McMahon at the team's practice facility and he was grinning from ear to ear. "Do I need to say that the Dogs have a new starting quarterback?" he asked with a hearty laugh. "But seriously, I want to welcome Matthew to the team and ask that he please put fitty on the [Cambridge] Animals this weekend."

The trade appears to benefit both teams. Jackson is averaging 11.5 points per game, which is better than all the Bakers running backs except Michael Turner. Fitzgerald is scoring 10.9 points per game, which is more than any of the Bakers wide receivers except Devin Hester. For East Nashville, Stafford (39 points per game), brings stability to a position that has cost the Black Dogs two or three wins because of poor play.