Thursday, August 7, 2008

WOODY BASHES BAKERS

Q. Diddy, shown here in happier times at the Cherry Bomb Cafe, is sportswriter Larry Woody's newest whipping boy.

WOODY BASHES BAKERS

Veteran reporter takes over 12th Avenue beat

By Duke Raoul, Associated Web Press

Long-time Nashville sportswriter Larry Woody joined the AWP on Monday, and, true to form, in his very first article managed to inflame fans of the team he’ll be covering every week.

In a piece on the opening of Bakers’ training camp, Woody alluded to the team’s record of “unmitigated futility,” and in three different paragraphs reminded readers that the team has never made the playoffs, has never even managed a winning record, and twice has finished with the worst regular season record in league history (2-12). In another apparent jab, he wrote that “the main difference between the Bakers and baseball’s old Washington Senators is that the Senators no longer compete — although many Bakers fans say this is also true of their team.”

Woody, who once covered Vanderbilt football for The Tennessean, and regularly irked Commodore fans with stories that frequently reminded readers of the team’s consecutive losing campaigns, took a page out of his old playbook by writing that “the Bakers must win at least seven of their 14 games to avoid their seventh consecutive losing season.”

“I can’t believe the AWP did this to us,” said Bakers’ Fan Club president Roz Tefarian of the assignment of Woody to the Baker beat. “We’re still grieving over the Cherry Bomb. Hasn’t the Baker Nation suffered enough?”

“I can’t believe I didn’t kill Woody years ago when I had the chance,” said 12th Avenue resident Bill Cheatham, who once chased Woody with a tire iron he had brought to a Vanderbilt football game. “Looks like [expletive] that goes round comes round.”

In his analysis of the team’s history and prospects, Woody suggested that one reason for the Bakers’ losing ways is that owner Q. Diddy insists on holding an annual preseason training camp — even though no more than six of the players on their roster are likely to be with the team after the NFFA draft in August. “It makes no sense,” Woody wrote. “But Diddy is convinced that their performance during camp guides his decision on which players to keep, and motivates players to try harder so they can remain with a ‘family’ like the Bakers.’”

In a separately filed item that is sure to rile Bakers’ supporters, Woody reported that much of the job of the team’s media maven, Faith Popcorn, is to keep Diddy distracted from getting involved in player personnel and game strategy issues. “The more Q focuses on the important things, the worse they do,” Woody wrote. He claimed that Popcorn’s latest project is to have Diddy organize a grassroots effort to have the name of 12th Avenue South officially changed to Avenue Q.

“I guess it could be worse,” Tefarian said. “The AWP could have given us Joe Biddle.”