Green: Strip Corsairs’ Title Lawsuit alleges champs played with ‘underinflated balls’

Green owner Dave Goodrow (left) pauses to enjoy the thought of stripping his bitter rival, Corsairs owner Mojo D (right, File Photo), of the 2014 NFFA championship.

By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya
FSN Sports

In what appears to be a bandwagon effect begun by the 12th Avenue Bakers, the Iowa Green today became the latest team to sue the NFFA in an effort to overturn the Corsairs’ second title in three years. Their allegation: In violation of its own rules, the league allowed Mojo D’s team to play all year with “underinflated balls.”

Citing a little-known provision in the NFFA Official Rule Book and Owners’ Manual 3.0, the lawsuit alleges that the Corsairs failed the portion of the mandatory drug testing for league owners that stipulates a minimum testosterone level of 100 nanograms, the average score for a prepubescent male. The policy also requires league owners to test positive for at least one controlled substance.

The suit claims that the league took no action after learning that Corsairs owner Mojo D tested below the minimum T-level on three different occasions during the season. The suit, filed Friday morning in the courtroom of federal judge Naomi Morningstar — the same judge who will decide the Bakers’ lawsuit against the league — offered no details on how this information had been obtained.

“Let’s just say that someone had the balls to come forward,” said Green owner Dave Goodrow at a noon press conference at Brown’s Diner. “Thank God the NFFA has a Citizen Four” — a reference to the new documentary film about former NSA contractor Edward Snowden, who now serves as Director of Scouting for the West Nashville Beelzebubbas.

“Look,” Goodrow continued, “that minimum T requirement is in the rulebook for a reason. It goes to the whole character and integrity of this league. I mean, when we unveiled our Green-brand meggings last year, we helped people understand what ‘sack yardage’ in the NFFA is all about, and I can tell you it’s not just about football, OK? Mojo is ‘sackless’ and gets away with it? That’s not right. We can’t afford to let our league brand be diminished by underinflated balls.”

Declining to take any questions from the media, Goodrow shouted on his way out, “You can’t even order huevos at The Palm. That should tell you something!”

The suit seeks to require the NFFA to void the results of all games played last season by the Corsairs, including the championship game in which the Corsairs defeated the Beelzebubbas.

The lawsuit filed last month by the Bakers seeks a similar result, alleging that the Corsairs violated league rules limiting team personnel to 160 hours online per week. It was unclear whether the two suits might be combined by Judge Morningstar.

As of this writing, Corsairs’ team officials have not responded to repeated requests for comment.

Reached at the league’s offices, Acting NFFA Commissioner Bill Money said, “We haven’t seen the suit yet, so we can’t comment, but we will scrotunize it, er, I mean, scrutinize it, very carefully.”

NFFA News Roundup PALACE COUP IN CAMBRIDGE WTA: 'DTA made redundant'

Wilder the Animal inspects the new office he has selected for his father.

By R.E. Porter
Associated Press

As the Cambridge Animals have soared to the top of the standings after the first two weeks of the playoff league, a tense drama has been unfolding behind-the-scenes within the organization, the AWP has learned.

Owner Dave the Animal is currently out of the country on business, so general manager Wilder the Animal, DTA's son, is calling the shots that have put the team at the top of the playoff standings. Sources within the Animals organization say the team's success in DTA's absence has gone to WTA's head, prompting the younger Animal to make a major power play for control of the team.

"I'm in control now," WTA is alleged to have announced to management, players and staff in a team-wide email. "DTA has been made redundant."

According to a source who wished to remain anonymous for fear of reprisal, WTA has had the team's attorneys file a motion to have his father declared mentally incompetent. All of DTA's possessions that were at Animals headquarters have been moved out of his palatial office to a storage space, and WTA is now occupying the office. In addition, all the locks have been changed at the facility.

 Reached in London by the AWP for a response to this news, DTA said, "Of course, I'm alarmed by what Wilder has done while I'm out of the country." After a long pause, the elder Animal said, "But on the other hand, I'm really proud of him for taking the initiative. It's a great opportunity for him."

The AWP will have more on this story as it develops.

Obama, Biden Skip Paris Rally to Join Sharif

Once again this week, the 12th Avenue Bakers found themselves in the middle of an international incident — this time, not directly of their own making.

Following the death of Little Jimmy Dickens, a part owner and longtime friend of the team, President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden (who also are friends of the team) committed to be part of a memorial service for LJD in NashVegas. As 40,000 fans inside a frigid Grey Goose Stadium shivered, Obama delivered a moving eulogy for the country singer he had first met at Sharif's West Nashville Tree House several years ago.

Obama arriving for LJD memorial.

"After I rashly said white people cling to their guns and their religion, I met Little Jimmy, and he showed me a new way," Obama said. "He said my speech had led him to write a new song, and then he played it for me: 'Red and yellow, black and white, guns, Grey Goose and Jesus go down just right.' I saw how narrow my own vision had been, and I was a better president for it."

The commitment to attending the service in NashVegas, however, left the president and vice president unable to be in Paris for the million-person rally attended by numerous heads of state, including British prime minister David Cameron and German chancellor Angela Merkel. The absence of top administration figures was viewed by many in France as a diplomatic snub. It also provided more fodder for right-wing commentators, like Fox News' Bill O'Reilly, who fulminated on the air about the "cancerous Sharif-Obama Axis."

Biden, for his part, appeared to make matters only worse when he pointed out that "the Bakers have a long French connection. Let's not forget that Mr. Sharif and his cousins grew up there. To stand with the Bakers is to stand with France."

To muddle things even further, the Bakers had printed thousands of T-shirts inscribed "Je Suis LJD"— with no knowledge, a source inside the organization claimed, that a similar slogan was being used in Paris to show solidarity with victims of the terror attack on the satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo.

"Let's say the whole slogan thing was meant as a joke," Sharif told FSN. "Around here, we have seen so much hurt that we have learned the best way to deal with it is to make a joke. It informs everything we do, from the Nazi-themed draft night party to trading the league MVP to our BakerNation Rewards Program. It is, in the end, our healing and self-sacrificial gift to a world in pain." — Ariel Mutha-Tafoya, FSN