NFFA BUBBLE TEAMS FACE CRITICAL WEEKEND

In a text to the commisioner, DTA declared himself, "a Penius." (File photo) By R.E. Porter
Associated Web Press 

NASHVEGAS —With only three games to go in the NFFA regular season, this weekend is heavy with playoff implications.

In the Jorge division, all four teams are mathematically still in the championship playoff hunt, although at 4-7, the 12th Avenue Bakers' hopes are on life support.

Despite a two-game slide, the 8-3 West Nashville Beelzebubbas are still in the driver's seat to win the Jorge division title and unseat the East Nashville Black Dogs (5-6), who have been division champs for the past five seasons. While still mathematically in the mix for the division title, the Black Dogs do not control their own destiny. They do control their own destiny when it comes to one of the two wild-card spots. The Bakers have to win out and pray for a Qmonic Convergance.

The real threat to the Beelzebubbas is the awesome awesomeness of the 6-5 Cambridge Animals, and the division's top two teams square off this weekend. (In the early round of games on Thanksgiving Day, newly acquired Cambridge QB Tom Brady went for 58 against a reeling 'Bubbas defense, as the Animals opened up an 80-point lead. As Brady piled up the points, Cambridge owner Dave the Animal, or DTA as he's been dubbed by the Boston media, sent a text to the commissioner declaring himself "a Penius.")

The picture is clearer in the Linardo division, where either the Atlanta Smack Daddies (9-2) or the Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs (8-3) will wear the division crown. The Daddies, who have clinched at least a wild-card berth, host the Hogs this weekend in Atlanta in the most significant game of the season thus far. If Atlanta prevails, they will open up a two-game lead on Fidalgo Island with only two games to go. If the Sea Hogs win the heavyweight throwdown, they will be tied in record with the Smack Daddies and have the first tiebreaker — head-to-head competition, having defeated the Daddies at home earlier in the season.

The two other Linardo division teams — the Alamo Scouts and the Midtown Mojo — have identical 2-9 records and have already been eliminated from the playoffs. The Scouts and Mojo square off this weekend in Alamo, and the loser of the game will likely secure the first pick in the 2011 NFFA draft, a pick that has become even more lucrative with the recent decision to return all players to the draft pool for the 2011 draft.

The Cherry Bomb Cafe-based Music City Bookmakers™released their playoff odds on Wednesday.

Odds to win the Jorge division title
Beezlebubbas 5-2
Animals 5-1
Black Dogs 25-1


Odds to win the Linardo division title
Smack Daddies 3-2
Sea Hogs 3-1


Odds to make the playoffs
Fidalgo Island 3-2
West Nashville 3-2
Animals 3-1
Black Dogs 10-1
Bakers 50-1

They hate us ...

Beelzebubbas executive Rod "He Hate Me" Smart doesn't like "the taste of Haterade."

Beelzelbubbas executive Rod "He Hate Me" Smart has been outspoken on the subject of who's drinking the Haterade, and singled out the Bakers on the league smack board. "I heard they were gonna ditch Grey Goose and give their stadium naming rights to Haterade," Smart joked two nights ago at Club Gitmo.

But according to Smart, the Bakes aren't the only franchise spreading the hate, that the Mojo and the Animals are, too. "For the Mojo, hatred isn't a strategy, it's a lifestyle," He Hate Me said. "Now in the case of the Animals, they mix their Haterade with Methlon vitamins."

There has always been friction between the Bakers, 'Bubbas, and Mojo over their overlapping turf, but it has taken a nasty turn this season. Smart said the hate wasn't coming from the 'Bubbas.

"The Beezlebubbas have always been about the love — in fact, several members of the team emigrated from the planet Lovetron," He Hate Me continued. "We don't hate, we congratulate — and we don't like the taste of Haterade. But we also know sometimes you have to use violence against the haters.

"We win, so they hate us."

Got MOJO? Maybe so...

New MOJO Owner Sheikh Yrbouti enjoys the press conference after Mike Vick's record-setting performance in Week 10. Got MOJO? Maybe so...
By Soren Bernyn
Fantasy Sports Network

After a 0-7 first half, the team formerly known as the Midtown Mojo has stopped dropping letters from its name and started adding Ws. After winning two of its last three games, the team is showing signs of renewed confidence, particularly noticeable in QB Mike Vick's astounding 77-point performance against the Beelzebubbas. That remarkable game established a new gold standard in the NFFA, and has inspired a team in dire need of direction and motivation, while simultaneously delivering a demoralizing blow to the hated 'Bubbas.

Through an interpreter, the team's new owner Sheikh Yrbouti, said "I do not know much about this football, but I know when a man is playing with boys -- Michael Vick is a man." Yrbouti arrived on the scene after week 9, several weeks after the team's owner, GM, coach and mascot all mysteriously disappeared. The Sheikh arrived at the team's HQ with a deed to the place and papers that identified him as the owner of "the once and future Mojo," which he claimed to have won in a card game in Marrakech with a woman known only as "Lee."

Vick said, "the Sheikh showed up, brought out a big brick of Moroccan hash, and the locker room hasn't been the same since. Guys are loving the atmosphere -- we even got DMC to lay off the Qookies and Brandon Marshall to put down his Cranker Barrel charge card."

2008 BLACK DOGS CELEBRATE SEA HOGS LOSS

Corks were popping at McMizzle's Monday night as Coach Jizzle McMizzle (inset) and the 2008 East Nashville Black Dogs celebrated last week's loss by previously undefeated Fidalgo Island.
By R.E. Porter
Associated Web Press

EAST NASHVILLE — McMizzle's nightclub on Main Street was the scene of a boisterous party late Monday evening as members of the 2008 East Nashville Black Dogs, the only team in NFFA history to complete a season undefeated, celebrated the loss by 7-0 Fidalgo Island to West Nashville. The Sea Hogs loss left every team in the league with at least one defeat.

Following the example of their NFL counterparts, the 1972 Miami Dolphins, members of the '08 Black Dogs team gathered last year to celebrate when the last undefeated team, the 3-0 West Nashville Beelzebubbas, lost. They continued the tradition this season, having to keep the champagne on ice twice as long, but after the 'Bubbas knocked off the Hogs last weekend, their legacy is intact.

Coach Jizzle McMizzle hosted the 16-0 2008 championship team at his East Nashville joint, and by all accounts, the Dom Perignon was flowing freely. A number of players on the current Black Dogs roster were members of the '08 team and in attendance Monday evening, including Maurice Jones Drew, Greg Jennings, Braylon Edwards, Jared Allen, Patrick Willis, Brian Urlacher, Barrett Ruud and Matt Ryan.

Members of other franchises also were among the attendees, including Fidalgo Island's Frank Gore, Atlanta's Chris Johnson, Cambridge's Matt Shaub and Adam Vinatieri, and 12th Avenue's Matt Cassel.

A clearly buzzed Gore, who has played for Fidalgo Island since the undefeated season, said he had been pulling for the Hogs to lose, then added, "But don't tell Mr. Obobber [Sea Hogs owner]."

Near the end of the evening, as a happy McMizzle surveyed his joyous current and former players, he said, "Nos celebrate nos erant invictus."