The stadium NFFA Corsair is an engineering marvel and “a floating palace” according to former Mojo owner Sheikh Yrbouti (inset), who was one of 45,000 invited guests across the jet-set, royalty and celebrity spectrum.By Soren Bernyn
Fantasy Sports Network
The 2001 NFFA season began in style for the newly re-christened Corsairs, who unveiled a remarkable new stadium in their game against the West Nashville Beelzebubbas in a Week One tilt between the two old neighbors and rivals.
Even with the electric atmosphere of a new stadium and new season, the game reached a frenzied pitch before it even began, when the “father of NFFA”, Dr. Jorge Linardo, parachuted onto midfield with the ceremonial game ball. “That was a highlight,” Mojo D said, wiping back a tear. “And we’ve been pretty damn high this week.”
The reclusive Linardo nodded agreement and briefly laughed maniacally. According to Corsairs Media Relations Intern Sue Nommi, “this unusual friendship was built decades ago, and is held in place by Dr. Linardo’s and Mojo D’s mutual respect and more importantly, their deep understanding of the implications of mutually assured destruction.”
The game started with fireworks when Linardo entered the stadium, and continued with Corsairs first-round pick QB Drew Brees’ 59-point effort. Coach Cee-Lo Green said “Damn right that’s why we picked him first! Now the rest of the team has to pick up where Drew left off – I’m concerned about the backfield, and you can never tell about your Krankensteins this time of year – look at Darren Sproles riding the pine over there for the Dogs…”
But perhaps the biggest story this week is the team’s unique facility: the NFFA Corsair. The floating stadium is a luxury mash-up between a battleship, a state-of-the-art athletic facility and an Asian casino. Nommi said “like many great ideas, this one was borne of necessity. Mojo D is the GM of the club, and he needs to operate in international waters – this gives us a home base that is flexible and extradition-proof.” The perky intern also refused comment on several questions about the reasons Mojo D needs that protection.
Beelzebubbas’ GM Chuck Barris said of the new facility: “This place is unbelievable – I tell you, those Chinese can make any damn thing. I was pissed that we didn’t have a chance to work out on the field more than one day, but a visit to the casino and ‘spa’ got me just about right. Have you tried these Corsair Candy Corns?” Barris was rumored by Bubbas insiders to have “blowed a gasket” when Mojo D would not release the transfer coordinates beyond “Vancouver, BC.” Reportedly, Barris “chilled out” when the Corsair fleet of luxury transport helicopters (Green refers to them as the “Limo-Choppers”) arrived to shuttle the players, front office and selected fans to Corsair stadium. “Nothing like a Corsair Van Gogh Kir and a ride in the limo-chopper to cheer up a guy,” Nommi said.
The NFFA Corsair is a stadium, but the action is hardly limited to the field. The aforementioned spa and casino are just the beginning – since the facility also must accommodate overnight guests, it is outfitted with hotel rooms, many of which are connected to the luxury boxes, which is why the maximum capacity for the stadium is just over 40,000. “Sure, that’s tiny compared to something like the Smack Daddies’ new big-box stadium in the ATL,” Nommi admitted, “but when you look at what our fans spend when they attend the game, we can afford to give away the seat and make it back in the casino.”
The team plans to keep sailing the northern hemisphere until the end of typhoon season.
Even with the electric atmosphere of a new stadium and new season, the game reached a frenzied pitch before it even began, when the “father of NFFA”, Dr. Jorge Linardo, parachuted onto midfield with the ceremonial game ball. “That was a highlight,” Mojo D said, wiping back a tear. “And we’ve been pretty damn high this week.”
The reclusive Linardo nodded agreement and briefly laughed maniacally. According to Corsairs Media Relations Intern Sue Nommi, “this unusual friendship was built decades ago, and is held in place by Dr. Linardo’s and Mojo D’s mutual respect and more importantly, their deep understanding of the implications of mutually assured destruction.”
The game started with fireworks when Linardo entered the stadium, and continued with Corsairs first-round pick QB Drew Brees’ 59-point effort. Coach Cee-Lo Green said “Damn right that’s why we picked him first! Now the rest of the team has to pick up where Drew left off – I’m concerned about the backfield, and you can never tell about your Krankensteins this time of year – look at Darren Sproles riding the pine over there for the Dogs…”
But perhaps the biggest story this week is the team’s unique facility: the NFFA Corsair. The floating stadium is a luxury mash-up between a battleship, a state-of-the-art athletic facility and an Asian casino. Nommi said “like many great ideas, this one was borne of necessity. Mojo D is the GM of the club, and he needs to operate in international waters – this gives us a home base that is flexible and extradition-proof.” The perky intern also refused comment on several questions about the reasons Mojo D needs that protection.
Beelzebubbas’ GM Chuck Barris said of the new facility: “This place is unbelievable – I tell you, those Chinese can make any damn thing. I was pissed that we didn’t have a chance to work out on the field more than one day, but a visit to the casino and ‘spa’ got me just about right. Have you tried these Corsair Candy Corns?” Barris was rumored by Bubbas insiders to have “blowed a gasket” when Mojo D would not release the transfer coordinates beyond “Vancouver, BC.” Reportedly, Barris “chilled out” when the Corsair fleet of luxury transport helicopters (Green refers to them as the “Limo-Choppers”) arrived to shuttle the players, front office and selected fans to Corsair stadium. “Nothing like a Corsair Van Gogh Kir and a ride in the limo-chopper to cheer up a guy,” Nommi said.
The NFFA Corsair is a stadium, but the action is hardly limited to the field. The aforementioned spa and casino are just the beginning – since the facility also must accommodate overnight guests, it is outfitted with hotel rooms, many of which are connected to the luxury boxes, which is why the maximum capacity for the stadium is just over 40,000. “Sure, that’s tiny compared to something like the Smack Daddies’ new big-box stadium in the ATL,” Nommi admitted, “but when you look at what our fans spend when they attend the game, we can afford to give away the seat and make it back in the casino.”
The team plans to keep sailing the northern hemisphere until the end of typhoon season.
