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| The late Joe Strummer, former minority owner of the 12th Avenue Bakers, will be honored at an integrity dinner in London during this week's Bacchanal festivities. |
By Man Ray Natural
The Mainline Dope
LONDON—As 12th Avenue Bakers coach Snoop Dogg and quarterback Tom Brady deplaned at London's Heathrow Airport late Wednesday night, the British press mobbed them, allowing two men to slip by unnoticed—owners QCurl Sharif and Petro Poroshenko—and enter a waiting limousine. The Bakers and the surging West Nashville Beelzebubbas, who arrived earlier in the week, are breaking new ground for the NFFA by playing this year's 12th annual Bacchanal to the Future game at Wembley Stadium, a game that will go a long way in determining the course of the 2015 playoff picture.
As Snoop and Brady were fielding questions on the tarmac beneath Air Bake One, Sharif and the Chocolate King left for what has been reported as an "intense" dinner together at the One-Eyed Pig, a supergastropub and notorious refuge for ex-pat Baker fans near Trafalgar Square, also owned by Sharif.
For stateside fans, the team has taken a nosedive in the past month, recently losing in the last seconds to the Downtown Corsairs, followed last week by a crushing loss to the East Nashville Black Dogs. A team that once seemed like a shoo-in for the postseason is now on the ropes and apparently Poroshenko is placing part of the blame on Sharif's private life. Increasingly, Sharif has been seen in the company of federal judge Naomi Morningstar and recent consulting hire Sepp Blatter. Sharif and Blatter recently spent several days in Zurich at Blatter's home amid rumors of an impending split with Poroshenko.
Diners at the One-Eyed Pig told reporters Thursday morning that Poroshenko threw a drink in Sharif's face and smeared chocolate across the breast of his own shirt, a sign in the Ukraine of throrough disgust, dating back to a Teutonic/Mongol tradition of wiping oneself with one's own feces to make a point. Sharif is reported to have cried out and cut the palm of his own hand with a steak knife, shouting that "only fools worry about this world!"
Of course, criticism of the Bakers has been mounting and fans appear to be blaming Sharif. Injuries and lackluster performance by the receiving corps and the defense, of late, seem to be likely culprits, but Sharif's lifestyle has always been fodder for the press. The fact that trusted PR maven Faith Popcorn has been sequestered at Sharif's home in some form of mysterious "recovery" has only fueled speculation that all is not right in Bakerland. Guests at a recent gala fundraiser for chimpanzee rescue held in Sharif's home reported open drug use by many present and several great cats, dressed in theater garb, roaming the grounds freely. Judge Morningstar presided with Sharif, according to guests, over forced marriages of wild animals from different species, and at least one attendee stated that nude guards would then escort the "newlyweds" to the Treehouse for a forced consummation. For the record, Sharif has always defended any "animal-centric events" as attended by proper doctors. The Bacchanal itself has always been complemented by an army of medical doctors, veterinarians, and pharmacists.
With the recent downturn in fortunes, those events and others like them, have been singled out as evidence of Sharif's lack of control. This weekend's Bacchanal is a chance for redemption. A win over the 'Bubbas could potentially clinch a playoff spot. It has been learned that Sharif plans to attend an integrity dinner Friday night at Kensington Palace, organized by Friends of the Bakers (London), honoring the franchise and celebrating the life of the late Joe Strummer, a former minority owner of the Bakers and part of the original exploration committee that landed the team in Nashville. The dinner is expected to draw influential guests, including Sir Elton John, David Beckham, and Lulu, interested in bringing an NFFA team to London.
As Snoop and Brady were fielding questions on the tarmac beneath Air Bake One, Sharif and the Chocolate King left for what has been reported as an "intense" dinner together at the One-Eyed Pig, a supergastropub and notorious refuge for ex-pat Baker fans near Trafalgar Square, also owned by Sharif.
For stateside fans, the team has taken a nosedive in the past month, recently losing in the last seconds to the Downtown Corsairs, followed last week by a crushing loss to the East Nashville Black Dogs. A team that once seemed like a shoo-in for the postseason is now on the ropes and apparently Poroshenko is placing part of the blame on Sharif's private life. Increasingly, Sharif has been seen in the company of federal judge Naomi Morningstar and recent consulting hire Sepp Blatter. Sharif and Blatter recently spent several days in Zurich at Blatter's home amid rumors of an impending split with Poroshenko.
Diners at the One-Eyed Pig told reporters Thursday morning that Poroshenko threw a drink in Sharif's face and smeared chocolate across the breast of his own shirt, a sign in the Ukraine of throrough disgust, dating back to a Teutonic/Mongol tradition of wiping oneself with one's own feces to make a point. Sharif is reported to have cried out and cut the palm of his own hand with a steak knife, shouting that "only fools worry about this world!"
Of course, criticism of the Bakers has been mounting and fans appear to be blaming Sharif. Injuries and lackluster performance by the receiving corps and the defense, of late, seem to be likely culprits, but Sharif's lifestyle has always been fodder for the press. The fact that trusted PR maven Faith Popcorn has been sequestered at Sharif's home in some form of mysterious "recovery" has only fueled speculation that all is not right in Bakerland. Guests at a recent gala fundraiser for chimpanzee rescue held in Sharif's home reported open drug use by many present and several great cats, dressed in theater garb, roaming the grounds freely. Judge Morningstar presided with Sharif, according to guests, over forced marriages of wild animals from different species, and at least one attendee stated that nude guards would then escort the "newlyweds" to the Treehouse for a forced consummation. For the record, Sharif has always defended any "animal-centric events" as attended by proper doctors. The Bacchanal itself has always been complemented by an army of medical doctors, veterinarians, and pharmacists.
With the recent downturn in fortunes, those events and others like them, have been singled out as evidence of Sharif's lack of control. This weekend's Bacchanal is a chance for redemption. A win over the 'Bubbas could potentially clinch a playoff spot. It has been learned that Sharif plans to attend an integrity dinner Friday night at Kensington Palace, organized by Friends of the Bakers (London), honoring the franchise and celebrating the life of the late Joe Strummer, a former minority owner of the Bakers and part of the original exploration committee that landed the team in Nashville. The dinner is expected to draw influential guests, including Sir Elton John, David Beckham, and Lulu, interested in bringing an NFFA team to London.
