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| Dennis Rodman allegedly leaked to the media the sensational audio recording of Cambridge owner Dave the Animal's now-famous heterophobic diatribe. |
By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya
FSN Sports
A shocking audio tape, with a voice purported to be that of NFFA franchise owner Dave the Animal denouncing heterosexual fans and players, caused a sensation across the league and the country on Tuesday as it went viral.
On the tape, a voice that sounds like DTA’s can be heard telling former NBA star and “friend of the Animals” Dennis Rodman that he does not want straight people playing for his team or attending their games.
The tape was provided to FSN by Rodman, who said that he was “shocked” by the Cambridge owner’s “deep animus toward persons of hetero,” and others. “This experience has opened my eyes,” added Rodman, who had been a regular guest in the owner’s box at Animals games, was frequently seen at DTA’s private parties for employees of Methlon Enterprises and has been a model for Methlon’s new line of designer men’s handbags.
By Rodman’s account, the recorded conversation began when Rodman showed DTA Instagram photos of himself with former Animal Jay Cutler, Matt Damon, Maya Angelou, Village Green coach Stuart Smalley and Green owner Dave Goodrow. In the audio, DTA admonishes Rodman: “The world will think certain things if you’re seen with straighties, so you should not be seen with them in public, don’t have your picture taken with them, and don’t bring them to Animals games.”
Rodman replies: “I don’t see your views.”
DTA: “Well, then, don’t come to my games. Don’t bring vagina bandits, and don’t come.”
Rodman: “Do you know that you have thousands of fans who are straight, and some who play for you?”
DTA: “Do I know? I support them and give them food and clothes and cars and houses and meth. Who gives it to them? Does someone else give it to them? Who makes the game? Do I make the game, or do they make the game?”
Rodman: “Honey, if it makes you happy, I will remove all the straight people from my Instagram.”
DTA: “Will you, or did you?”
Rodman: “I DID remove them – all except for Stuart and Goodrow.”
DTA: “Why?”
Rodman: “I thought they were mixed, just like me, so they’re OK. Goodrow performs with the Village People!”
DTA: “You think I’m a straightophobe.”
When reached for comment, Animals media relations director Sterling Donald said they believe the tape is a fake, speculating that Rodman produced it after Dave the Animal refused to grant his request for a lifetime supply of meth for himself and North Korean Dear Leader Kim Jong-Un.
Elsewhere, reaction was swift and severe. Several sponsors, including Old Spice, Dinty Moore Beef Stew and the U.S. Marine Corps, announced that they were pulling advertising and sponsorship deals with the Animals.
Others called for the NFFA to strip DTA, one of the league’s original team owners, of his beloved Animals franchise. “I hope it isn’t true,” said NFFA Commissioner Lorena “Mee-Maw” Murmann. “I’m going to have to have a long talk with that boy.”
A few commentators, however, were willing to defend DTA publicly. “I’m guessing everybody has forgot that DTA isn’t like us,” said ESPN’s Steven A. Smith. “He travels backward through time. He knows that in the future everyone will be gay, and he is trying to prepare the world for that reality. I’m not saying this just because he’s a personal friend of mine, but he’s a personal friend of mine, and I’m not gay — yet.”
