MONEY TO DISBAND 200-POINT CLUB

Co-Deputy Commissioner Cash Money has persuaded
her father to disband the 200-Point Club. FILE/AWP


MONEY TO DISBAND 200-POINT CLUB
Will set more exclusive standard to exclude ‘arrivistes’

By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya, Fantasy Sports Network

Days after East Nashville Coach Jim McMahon boasted of the possibility of a 400-point game between the Black Dogs and West Nashville Beelzebubbas, the two organizations that made up the NFFA’s “200-Point Club” were joined by two new members, the Midtown Mojo and Fidalgo Island Seahogs.

FSN learned early Wednesday that, in response, Co-Deputy Commissioner Cash Money plans to disband the 200-Point Club. Simultaneously, the league’s office will announce the establishment of a 220-Point Club, which will be the NFFA’s only “officially sanctioned organization for team point totals at this time.” The announcement, expected to be made by Commissioner William D. Money, could come as early as Thursday.

The new club would retain the Black Dogs and Beelzebubbas as its only members. The Bubbas set a new NFFA record earlier this season with 233.5 points in Week Two, eclipsing the mark of 231 set by the Black Dogs in 2006. The 220 threshold would also exclude the Mojo and Seahogs, who scored only 218.5 and 205, respectively, last week.

“It’s a blatant slap in the face, and we won’t stand for it,” said Homo Dodo, president of the Midtown Condominium Owners Association. “The peasants will march to the NFFA Tower with torches and pitchforks if we have to.”

Neither Commissioner Money nor his daughter Cash were available for comment on Wednesday morning. However, one source inside the NFFA offices said the impending move reflected differing agendas. “I think it’s safe to say that the commissioner believes the fact that the Seahogs and Mojo broke the 200-point barrier inherently debases the standard. He sees them as arrogant arrivistes,” said the source, who requested anonymity.

“I think, with Cash, it’s just a matter of hosing Bobber. Don’t forget, he enslaved her and her sister on his Love Boat.”

SMACK DADDIES ADD COACH, ACQUIRE CRUMPLER

Smack Daddies GM Tony Soprano takes a question at today's press conference as team
owner Lex Dominica, making his first appearance this season, looks on approvingly.

SMACK DADDIES ADD COACH, ACQUIRE CRUMPLER

By Rico Suavé, Associated Web Press

ATLANTIC CITY — Flanked by General Manager Tony Soprano and attorneys representing exiled coach Ron Mexico, Smack Daddies owner Lex Dominica made his first public appearance of the 2007 season. Resplendent in his blood red suit, the visibly relieved owner announced two moves that he hopes will buoy his floundering team.

“On the advice of General Manager Tony Soprano I have retained the services of Joe Torre as our new acting coach in Ron’s absence,” Dominica said. When asked by a reporter what Torre knew about football, an agitated Soprano grabbed the microphone and said “Who gives a [expletive] — the man has won four world championships; and besides that, I don’t think Ron will be getting back here any time soon. Plus, Joe looks good in a jogging suit.”

Soprano said Torre would be on the sideline this weekend. The Daddies GM also said he expected a marked improvement in his team this week after the motivational speech he gave before practice on Tuesday. He said contrary to rumors there was no connection to the ambulance and waiving of split end Marques Colston.

Dominica concluded the press conference with the announcement that long-time Smack Daddies fan favorite Alge Crumpler had been brought back to the team in a move that he hopes will stir fan excitement.

“As most of you know, Alge has gone to great lengths to inspire our female fan base to his many charitable causes,” Dominica said. “Alge and the Touchdown Club seemed to be the lightning rod for all charitable donations.”

Dominica added that while Crumpler was rehabbing an ailing knee, the all-star tight-end had asked permission to take a personal, hands-on approach to the rehabilitation of troubled starlet Lindsey Lohan. He said Crumpler “planned to get on that girl right away to make sure she stayed on the straight and narrow.”

Three female reporters had to be helped out of the room at the conclusion of the press conference.