Smack Daddies GM Tony Soprano takes a question at today's press conference as team
owner Lex Dominica, making his first appearance this season, looks on approvingly.
owner Lex Dominica, making his first appearance this season, looks on approvingly.
SMACK DADDIES ADD COACH, ACQUIRE CRUMPLER
By Rico Suavé, Associated Web Press
ATLANTIC CITY — Flanked by General Manager Tony Soprano and attorneys representing exiled coach Ron Mexico, Smack Daddies owner Lex Dominica made his first public appearance of the 2007 season. Resplendent in his blood red suit, the visibly relieved owner announced two moves that he hopes will buoy his floundering team.
“On the advice of General Manager Tony Soprano I have retained the services of Joe Torre as our new acting coach in Ron’s absence,” Dominica said. When asked by a reporter what Torre knew about football, an agitated Soprano grabbed the microphone and said “Who gives a [expletive] — the man has won four world championships; and besides that, I don’t think Ron will be getting back here any time soon. Plus, Joe looks good in a jogging suit.”
Soprano said Torre would be on the sideline this weekend. The Daddies GM also said he expected a marked improvement in his team this week after the motivational speech he gave before practice on Tuesday. He said contrary to rumors there was no connection to the ambulance and waiving of split end Marques Colston.
Dominica concluded the press conference with the announcement that long-time Smack Daddies fan favorite Alge Crumpler had been brought back to the team in a move that he hopes will stir fan excitement.
“As most of you know, Alge has gone to great lengths to inspire our female fan base to his many charitable causes,” Dominica said. “Alge and the Touchdown Club seemed to be the lightning rod for all charitable donations.”
Dominica added that while Crumpler was rehabbing an ailing knee, the all-star tight-end had asked permission to take a personal, hands-on approach to the rehabilitation of troubled starlet Lindsey Lohan. He said Crumpler “planned to get on that girl right away to make sure she stayed on the straight and narrow.”
Three female reporters had to be helped out of the room at the conclusion of the press conference.
