 |
| Ballers owner Mojo D in happier times. |
By R.E. Porter
Associated Web Press
With their win over the West Nashville Beelzebubbas last weekend, the 1-8 Ballers fell just short of establishing a new record for season-opening futility. Instead, their eight losses to start the 2023 season leaves them in a tie for that ignominious record with the London Bakers franchise.
The Bakers started two seasons with eight consecutive losses — in 2007 and 2013, back when the franchise was still located in the 12th Avenue neighborhood. What heightened the drama for both franchises is the Ballers traveled to London to play the Bakers in week eight. The outcome was never in doubt as the Bakes cruised to a 45-point victory.
Running back Chris Johnson, who was a member of both those Bakers squads, gathered with some of teammates from those Bakers teams at Club Gitmo Sports Book the past two weekends in anticipation of the Ballers taking sole possession of the record. Johnson was joined by 2007 player-coach Pacman Jones, 2007 quarterback Drew Brees, 2013 defensive end J.J. Watt and the ghost of Rob Bironas, among others.
“We were disappointed the Ballers didn’t claim the record as their own, but we are definitely happy they share the record now,” Jones told the AWP.
After his team’s week eight win over the Ballers, Bakers owner QCurl Sharif celebrated at the One-Eyed Pig in London. “Q laughed, he cried, then he smoked some Howenwald Kush and got the giggles,” said one of the pub’s patrons who attended Sharif’s private postgame party.
While the Ballers’ name is now associated with one of the least desirable records, the franchise avoided being part of another that is even worse. Had the Ballers lost two more games, they would have tied the 2011 Bakers for the longest losing streak at any point in the season of 10 games.
Beelzebubbas co-owner MetaWorldDeath, the former Boyd X. Biggs, took to social media to express his disappointment in being the first team to lose to the Ballers in 2023. “This weekend brings back memories of the Ghost of Biggs suicide after a collapse against the Midtown Mojo,” he wrote. “Fortunately, MetaWorldDeath has experienced a lot of personal growth since his 2nd death.”
According to those close to him, the Ballers’ losing streak had weighed heavily on team owner Mojo D. “He was self-medicating pretty much all his waking hours,” said one Baller insider who spoke on the condition of anonymity. “It was a nonstop flow of gin and tonics, vaping and edibles. You might say he remembered to forget.”
The insider said Mojo D is in much better spirits now that the Ballers have gotten off the schneid. “He’s still self-medicating, of course, because the team is 1-8. But it’s not as heavy. I think he switched to some sativa edibles, so he’s more upbeat.”
Village Green owner Dave Goodrow told this reporter he heard Mojo D was at Robert’s Western World after the game Monday night with former NFL coach Herman Edwards, but AWP has not been able to confirm that.
In a related development, the AWP has learned Goodrow asked the NFFA rules committee to explore the possibility of instituting a draft lottery, a la the NBA, to determine the first four picks in the draft. As the Ballers’ losing streak wore on, the Green owner apparently thought Mojo D was tanking to get the first pick in the 2024 draft. Goodrow was not the only owner to express concern to the rules committee the Ballers were intentionally losing. One owner texted his concern to the committee when the Ballers started undrafted rookie Tyson Bagent at quarterback against the Bakers in week eight. “Mojo D starting Bears QB makes it look like he’s tanking,” the owner wrote.
In another related development, accusations swirled on social media that the ‘Bubbas had thrown the game against the Ballers to ensure that the Bakers would continue to own a share of the record for most consecutive losses to start a season.
MetaWorldDeath took the uncharacteristic step of replying to the accusations on his Telegram account. “In a league that runs on hate. no one has been more supportive of the two-time defending Jorge division champion Bakers than the West Nashville franchise. We remain brothers in spirit, if not in fact.”
It should be noted, MWD did not actually deny the accusations.
With all the media focused on the record for consecutive losses to start the season, it has gone largely unnoticed that the Boca Chica Daddies have endured a long losing streak of their own — seven games after an opening week win over the Ballers. But like the Ballers, the Daddies ended their streak last weekend, too, with a win over the East Nashville Black Dogs.
