The entrance to QCurl Sharif's Bobberhead Lodge in Howenwald.By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya
FSN Sports
In a startling development that threatens the remainder of the NFFA season and the ongoing viability of the league, a Nashville grand jury has issued indictments against Beelzebubbas GM Chuck Barris, the Ghost of the Ghost of Boyd X. Biggs, 12th Avenue Bakers team owner QCurl Sharif, NFFA Commissioner William D. Money, and Money’s daughters, Maris and Cassandra, aka Mo and Cash.
The indictment alleges that Barris, Biggs, Sharif and the Moneys were engaged in human trafficking, murder, human cloning and illegal gambling, all stemming from activities at a property owned by Sharif near Hohenwald, Tenn., known informally as “Bobberhead Lodge.”
According to local prosecutors, authorities began piecing together the story after Barris was stopped on Sept. 5 by police, who noticed two dead bodies strapped to the front of a Dodge Ram pickup driven by the Bubbas’ colorful general manager. At first, according to a police source, the officers believed Barris’ claim that he was a CIA assassin on a secret mission to eliminate Islamic terrorists. Then, one officer noticed that the two bodies appeared to be identical and became suspicious. Subsequent DNA tests at a state-run forensics laboratory revealed a match between the bodies and Tirik O’Bobber, the shadowy owner of the Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs, who remains on a terrorist watch list in Tennessee.
When police interrogated Barris further, sources say, he revealed to them that the bodies were part of an elaborate “zombie safari ring” at Sharif’s Hohenwald property. According to Barris, Sharif used reanimation technology, along with a sample of Bobber’s DNA obtained from Texas restaurateur Doris “Meemaw” Murrman to manufacture hundreds of identical “production zombies.” Guests at the Bobberhead Lodge allegedly paid thousands of dollars each for the opportunity to go on zombie hunts and invited to “bag Bobbers” using sniper rifles, 30-caliber machine guns mounted on jeeps, bows and arrows and even poison blow darts supplied by Sharif.
The grand jury indictment alleges that Mo and Cash Money, who once had been held as sex slaves aboard Bobber’s yacht, the Fatal Attraction II, were almost weekly clients at Bobberhead Lodge. William D. Money and Biggs are also alleged to have been among the occasional visitors, who allegedly also included former Vice President Dick Cheney, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, Paul Abdul, Barris and, incredibly, former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein.
Police say Barris told them during questioning that the hunting lodge came into being “because QCurl has never really dealt with his addiction to human pit fighting.”
Sharif, who has been the object of “Occupy Bakerville” fan protests in Sevier Park, and earlier this week announced he had been in consultations with the Hindu god Shiva to lift a curse placed on the Bakers by Cambridge owner Dave the Animal, was unavailable for comment.
Through Bubbas legal counsel, Ellis D. Hayes, the organization denied that Barris was involved in any illegal activity. “A grand jury can and will indict a ham sandwich,” said Hayes, who predicted that “this crazed misunderstanding” would soon be resolved. Meanwhile, the sports book at Club Gitmo has issued 10-to-1 odds against the proposition that a case against Barris or Biggs would ever come to trial.
Commissioner Money also was said to be unavailable for comment, but director of league security Salvatore “Big Pussy” Bonpensiero said his office “would look into this and let you know if there’s anything to let you know about.”
The indictment alleges that Barris, Biggs, Sharif and the Moneys were engaged in human trafficking, murder, human cloning and illegal gambling, all stemming from activities at a property owned by Sharif near Hohenwald, Tenn., known informally as “Bobberhead Lodge.”
According to local prosecutors, authorities began piecing together the story after Barris was stopped on Sept. 5 by police, who noticed two dead bodies strapped to the front of a Dodge Ram pickup driven by the Bubbas’ colorful general manager. At first, according to a police source, the officers believed Barris’ claim that he was a CIA assassin on a secret mission to eliminate Islamic terrorists. Then, one officer noticed that the two bodies appeared to be identical and became suspicious. Subsequent DNA tests at a state-run forensics laboratory revealed a match between the bodies and Tirik O’Bobber, the shadowy owner of the Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs, who remains on a terrorist watch list in Tennessee.
When police interrogated Barris further, sources say, he revealed to them that the bodies were part of an elaborate “zombie safari ring” at Sharif’s Hohenwald property. According to Barris, Sharif used reanimation technology, along with a sample of Bobber’s DNA obtained from Texas restaurateur Doris “Meemaw” Murrman to manufacture hundreds of identical “production zombies.” Guests at the Bobberhead Lodge allegedly paid thousands of dollars each for the opportunity to go on zombie hunts and invited to “bag Bobbers” using sniper rifles, 30-caliber machine guns mounted on jeeps, bows and arrows and even poison blow darts supplied by Sharif.
The grand jury indictment alleges that Mo and Cash Money, who once had been held as sex slaves aboard Bobber’s yacht, the Fatal Attraction II, were almost weekly clients at Bobberhead Lodge. William D. Money and Biggs are also alleged to have been among the occasional visitors, who allegedly also included former Vice President Dick Cheney, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, Paul Abdul, Barris and, incredibly, former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein.
Police say Barris told them during questioning that the hunting lodge came into being “because QCurl has never really dealt with his addiction to human pit fighting.”
Sharif, who has been the object of “Occupy Bakerville” fan protests in Sevier Park, and earlier this week announced he had been in consultations with the Hindu god Shiva to lift a curse placed on the Bakers by Cambridge owner Dave the Animal, was unavailable for comment.
Through Bubbas legal counsel, Ellis D. Hayes, the organization denied that Barris was involved in any illegal activity. “A grand jury can and will indict a ham sandwich,” said Hayes, who predicted that “this crazed misunderstanding” would soon be resolved. Meanwhile, the sports book at Club Gitmo has issued 10-to-1 odds against the proposition that a case against Barris or Biggs would ever come to trial.
Commissioner Money also was said to be unavailable for comment, but director of league security Salvatore “Big Pussy” Bonpensiero said his office “would look into this and let you know if there’s anything to let you know about.”
