team up to put an 80-burger on the suddenly hapless Sea Hogs.
By Soren Bernyn
Fantasy Sports Network
In a season where everything has fallen into place for the Corsairs, the pieces came together in Week 12 for what Coach Cee-Lo Green called “the perfecta of goodness.” The team’s 161-105.5 victory over their Linardo nemesis, the Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs, moved them to 9-3 and ensured the team’s first post-season visit since 2007, and gave them sole possession of first place atop the division on the heroic performance of the Drew Brees-Jimmy Graham battery. A jubilant GM Mojo D held forth with Cee-Lo for select media in a victory celebration at the uber-exclusive Sky Casino atop the NFFA Corsair.
Mojo D could barely contain his joy: “I don’t remember a week where every single NFFA game turned out the way I wanted. I’m so glad for my brother QCurl to have broken DTA’s curse, and for the Animals to beat the Bubbas: DTA knows why I know that is particularly special for him. Lex’s boys coming through to spank Goody’s candy ass was a huge boost for us; and of course to make the Sea Hogs our bitch this year is just the Corsair Moonshine-soaked cherry on the Corsair Triple Smoke Whiskey Sundae*, available at all the bars on the ship.”
One reporter asked Cee-Lo about the Corsairs’ poor statistical performance – 6th in scoring (by virtue of a scant 1-point differential with the new 7th place scorer Beelzebubbas), 7th in coaching efficiency, and over 50 points on the bench in week 12. DJ Shikoku Tikaka scratched a beat and Cee-Lo stepped to the mic: “You know the statistic I look at? The W’s, bitch — and there’s 9 of them in there for the good guys!! This one’s for you” and the band launched into his multi-platinum hit “F*ck You.”
After a brief set, Mojo D picked up where Cee-Lo left off: “ The win is everything in the NFFA — it doesn’t matter how you get there. William D Money is one crazy muthaf*cker, but he got one thing right: score more points than your opponent. I would add to that: I’d rather be lucky than good any day.”
Around the Linardo, Week 13 looms large — Corsairs face the Village Green, who have been at or near the top of the division since week 5, and according to Mojo D: “on my back like a pesky kid brother — it’s the one team we have not beaten this season, and we look forward to adding that scalp to our belt.” The Sea Hogs hope to end their skid against the Smack Daddies, who could still win out and make the playoffs.
In the Jorge Division, it appears only the winner will advance to the playoffs, so the Animals and Bakers look to continue their spoiler role, as the whole league looks at the Week 14 Curse Bowl and the Black Dogs-Beelzebubbas tilt for all the Jorge marbles. Regarding the Curse, Cee-Lo said "this [curse] shit and Shiva really freaks me out — I don't like messing with deities, so I'm glad that's all going down in the Jorge, man."
*Corsair Triple Smoke Sundae:
1.5 oz. Corsair triple Smoke Whiskey
2 oz. Eggnog
1 splooge whipped cream
1 Corsair Moonshine-soaked cherry on top
