BLACK DOGS MASCOTS KIDNAPPED

Cerberus, still bearing the Mojo logo, is shown here resting in the NFFA's
underground command center after his alleged escape from Mojo D.

BLACK DOGS MASCOTS KIDNAPPED
Mojo D suspected; turf war feared

By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya, Fantasy Sports Network

In a development that threatens the fragile peace within the NFFA, two of the East Nashville Black Dogs’ mascots were apparently kidnapped Saturday night.

After a number of anxious hours at Black Dogs headquarters, the missing animals, Cerberus and Muerte, were rescued Sunday afternoon after team officials received an anonymous tip. The dogs, who also are pets of Black Dogs owner and NFFA Commissioner William D. Money, were found running through a Midtown neighborhood.

Someone had apparently used a stencil and white spray paint to mark each side of the dogs with the logo of the Midtown Mojo, the Black Dogs’ opponent on Sunday. The circumstantial evidence, sources say, led Money to conclude that Midtown owner Mojo D was behind the kidnapping. They also said that Money had brought the dogs to the commissioner’s underground command center beneath the NFFA Tower downtown.

Black Dogs coach Jim McMahon on Monday said that the Mojo “needed greetings from McMahonistan” — an apparent reference to a fertilizer bomb that left a 20-foot wide crater in 12th Avenue last year. When pressed further, McMahon, who had already consumed three Touchdown Tasers™ before beginning his weekly press conference, said, “Isn’t it obvious that this guy (Mojo D) is just a rookie wannabe? He’s like Tupac, trying to establish some street cred.

“One, the damn dogs got away. And, two, what’s he doing kidnapping dogs to begin with? Take a real criminal lunatic, like [Triki] Bobber. He kidnaps Money’s daughters as sex slaves. Maybe Mojo was going to make sex slaves out of the dogs before they escaped; I don’t know. But this looks more like a fraternity prank than something a real NFFA team would do. I’m not sure if the HoJo’s are ready for prime time.”

With that, McMahon abruptly ended the press conference and grabbed two Touchdown Tasers™ from the bar, saying he “had to go upstairs and offer some advice to GQ [Denney]. He’s been talking all night to Lombardi and Hendrix and Mr. TD. I want to give them a break.”

RECORDS FALL IN WEEK TWO

QB Carson Palmer set a new individual scoring mark with 71 points
in the Beelzebubbas’ record-setting win over the Smack Daddies.

RECORDS FALL IN WEEK TWO
Beelzebubbas set new scoring mark

By R.E. Porter, Associated Web Press

With their 233.5 - 108.5 stomping of the defending champions Atlanta Smack Daddies in week two, the West Nashville Beelzebubbas not only established a new team single-game scoring mark — the franchise also sent a bold message to their NFFA opponents that they are back!

Since 2002, when West Nashville won the first NFFA championship, longtime observers of the league have watched team owner and coach Boyd X. Biggs focus less and less on fielding a competitive team and more and more on his off-the-field interests. But that all seems to be in the past now, as the Beelzebubbas sit atop the league power rankings after scoring 387 points over the first two weeks.

“I’m humbled by this team accomplishment,” Biggs said. “As we all know, a coach is only as good as his players and the performance-enhancing substances they take.” With misty eyes, he added, “This one was for Jorge.”

The Beelzebubbas topped the record of 231 points set last season in week 10 by the East Nashville Black Dogs in their victory over the Alamo Scouts. With their record-setting performance, the 'Bubbas became only the second team to score 200 or more points. The Black Dogs have done it three times.

The team single-game scoring mark was not the only record to fall in week two. West Nashville QB Carson Palmer also set a new individual single-game scoring record with 71 points in the team’s smacking of the Daddies. Palmer’s total eclipsed the previous mark of 68 points set by then Cambridge Animals QB Drew Brees in week 14 of 2006.

One other score of note: The Animals became the seventh franchise to score 190 or more points with their 192.5 - 182.5 upset of the Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs, leaving the Midtown Mojo as the only franchise to have never scored at least 190 points.

NFFA Top Single Game Scores
1. Beelzebubbas, 233.5 points (2007, week 2 vs. Smack Daddies)
2. Black Dogs, 231 points (2006, week 10 vs. Scouts)
3. Black Dogs, 215 points (2005, week 3 vs. Scouts)
4. Black Dogs, 201 points (2005, week 6 vs. Bakers)
5. Scouts, 199 points (2006, week 6 vs. Smack Daddies)
    SeaHogs, 199 points (2006, week 2 vs. Bakers)
    Smack Daddies, 199 points (2006, week 15 vs. Black Dogs)
8. SeaHogs, 197 points (2006, week 6 vs. Silverbacks)
9. Black Dogs, 195 points (2006, week 6 vs. Bakers)
10. Smack Daddies, 194 points (2006, week 8 vs. Black Dogs)
11. Animals, 192.5 points (2007, week 2 vs. Sea Hogs)
12. Black Dogs, 191 points (2006, week 7 vs. Beelzebubbas)
13. Bakers, 190 points (2005, week 11 vs. SeaHogs)
      Black Dogs, 190 points (2007, week 1 vs. Scouts)