Wednesday, October 5, 2016

BUBBAS TO LEAGUE: 'ASK DAD'
Team denies collusion in Cam injury

Bubbas' VP Chuck Barris outside Wendell Smith's restaurant Wednesday morning.

By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya
FSN Sports

Responding to allegations made yesterday by the Atlanta Smack Daddies, the West Nashville Beelzebubbas denied they were involved in any “improper collusion” surrounding the injury of the Daddies’ QB Cam Newton in last weekend’s game.

“Collusion is no stranger to this league,” said Bubbas’ VP Chuck Barris in the opening statement of a rambling press conference Wednesday morning outside Wendell Smith’s restaurant on Charlotte Avenue. “In fact, you might say this league runs on collusion. If hate is the fuel for the engine, collusion is in the NFFA’s oil tank. 

“So we take it as a tribute to our fidelity to this league’s founding principles to be accused of collusion. I wish we could say we deserved it in this case, but we just cannot honestly claim it here.”

According to Barris, communication did occur between the parties. Newton’s father, Reverend Cecil Newton, arrived at the Bubbas’ Club Gitmo offices last week and asked for a meeting with team chairman Dr. JorgĂ© Linardo. “It was very spiritual,” Barris said. “He said he had been praying all week, and that is what led him to us. He invited us all to his church on Sunday, and he said he believed we would receive a very special blessing if we made a contribution of $100,000 or more to his ministry, You can ask Dad.”

Barris confirmed that a delegation from the team, led by Dr. Linardo, was on the front pew for Sunday morning worship services at the elder Newton’s church. He also confirmed that he placed a sealed envelope in the collection plate but refused to describe its contents.

Later that afternoon, Cam Newton left the game, under the league’s concussion protocols, after he inexplicably stopped running as he was about to cross the goal line for a touchdown and allowed himself to take a blow from an opposing defensive back. Newton appeared to look toward the right corner of the end zone just before he reached the goal. Grainy video footage showed someone who resembles Barris standing next to the wall beyond that corner of the end zone, but no positive identification has been possible so far.

Yesterday, the Smack Daddies filed a formal complaint alleging collusion with NFFA Deputy Commissioner Meadow Soprano, the daughter of the Daddies’ late president and GM, Tony Soprano.

“We were invited to church, and we went,” Barris said. “As Americans, we exercised our God-given freedom of religion. I can’t believe I’m having to defend that. Even the Cambridge Animals believe in freedom of religion.

“And this whole incident raises some fundamental questions about who we are. As I already stated, we were not involved in any collusion to our knowledge. But what if we were? The Daddies’ accusation treats collusion as if it were a bad thing. It makes you wonder what this league is coming to.

“I can’t believe my friend Lex Dominica would make this charge. I bet if you ask him tomorrow, he’ll say he was just yanking your media chains to amuse himself. This is obviously a simple misunderstanding.”