BIENVENU !!!

BIENVENU !!!
WELCOME to the University of Paris Website (UPW)

You have reached the website of the Research Department of the University of Paris (La Sorbonne) which is currently translating into English the recently discovered book of quatrains authored by Michel De Nostradame, commonly known as Nostradamus, the 16th century French seer known for his prophecies of major world events. Entitled "Le Prophecies de Sporte" ("Sports Picks"), the new book contains numerous 4-line poems thought to predict the outcome of future sporting events.

We are working hurriedly to translate and interpret this important work. Each week we hope to release a new quatrain which we will post here.

OUR NEWEST RELEASE: Quatrain 231 - “The Commissar”

The Commissar unleashes his dark dogs,
only to see them turn tail and run,
fearing the approaching tsunami
bearing Neptune’s porcine pet.

ANALYSIS: Quatrain 231 is believed to predict the outcome of the NFFA Week 10 game between Commissioner Willie D. Money’s East Nashville Black Dogs and Triki Bobber’s Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs, which game takes place this weekend.

PREDICTION: Take the Sea Hogs.

SCORECARD: Nostradamus is 2 – 0, having correctly predicted the Sea Hogs victory over the West Nashville Beelzebubbas in Week 8 and the Sea Hogs victory over the Cambridge Animals in Week 9.


PREVIOUSLY RELEASED QUATRAINS (most recent first):

Quatrain 912:
From out of the ashes
three men shall arise
from the effects of yohimbe
their pokers reach for the skies.

Quatrain 69: “The Animal”
Neither vegetable nor mineral, the pretender lays in wait
hoping to repeat his past triumph,
but he is no match for the tusked fish
that will tear him a new one.

Quatrain 220:
In the eighth week of the sixth season,
the Hogs of the Sea shall rout the Brothers of the Devil
and send them scurrying back
to the fiery depths from whence they come.


UPW: The only OFFICIAL SOURCE for Nostradamus’ Sports Picks !!!

NEW DEVELOPMENTS IN BAKERS BLAZES

This puzzling photo has surfaced in the last 24 hours of a hostile priest bearing a resemblance to missing Bakers owner GQ Denney. Denney has not been heard from in over a week. Devin Hester, one of the other two missing men, has surfaced in Amarillo, Texas. BTG/WIRE

NEW DEVELOPMENTS IN BAKERS BLAZES
Hester found, mystery photo surfaces

By D.David Halberstam, BTG News

NASHVILLE — Vigils and political grandstanding aside, the case of missing Bakers owner GQ Denney and the suspended player Marvin Harrison took another strange turn Tuesday when a photo was sent to league headquarters that strongly resembled the missing owner. The person is seated, dressed as a priest and making an obscene gesture to the camera.

The other missing player, Black Dogs star Devin Hester, apparently walked naked into an Amarillo police station around midnight Tuesday, local time. He was to be transported to East Nashville post haste after initial questioning. Amarillo police said Hester appeared to be disoriented but otherwise unscathed.

No new information regarding Denney or Harrison has been released. The Bakers front office adamantly denies the man in the mystery photo is Denney.

“This is not GQ,” said Bakers PR maven Faith Popcorn. “I’ve known him for years and he always throws the bird with the other hand. And besides what motivation could he have to surface in such a way? He’s already pissed off every religion under the sun. This is so obviously a staged setup by someone trying to make a name for themselves. And if you notice this guy’s only shot from the upper body. All of Q’s identifying marks are below the waist.”

Added to this twist were several “sightings” of Harrison and Hester, all reported at gas pumps fueling up Denney’s paisley Hummer. The ATF and FBI are reportedly viewing security footage from three locations that stretch west from Hohenwald to Taos, New Mexico. One theory, from an agent who did not want to be identified, is that the three escaped the blaze and for their own reasons remained underground. They hope with Hester now in hand the questions will be answered.

Unfortunately, this story has overshadowed the impressive 227-point performance the Bakers hung on the Alamo Scouts this past weekend. It was their first win this season and the first in as many tries for new head coach Pacman Jones.

“All I can think about right now is Atlanta,” said Jones, who has visited Ground Zero several times this week in search of his ‘magic chain.’ He was with the three men earlier on the night of the two fires. “I’ve said I don’t know shizzle about that. When they broke out the blowtorches and the Touchdown Tasers™, I hit the rizzle.”

*Correction- An earlier posting identified Snoop Dogg as the former Bakers head coach whom Jones replaced. It was Randy Warhol. BTG News apologizes for the error.