Friday, November 21, 2008

BLACK DOGS CLINCH PLAYOFF BERTH

Showing his team colors: East Nashville coach Jim McMahon
arrived at his weekly media circus via a purple parachute.


BLACK DOGS CLINCH PLAYOFF BERTH
Within one game of fourth consecutive division crown

By R.E. Porter, Associated Web Press

With their most recent victory over the Midtown Mojo, 11-0 East Nashville ran their NFFA record for consecutive regular-season wins to 18 and clinched no less than a wild-card berth in the championship playoff bracket.

The Black Dogs now need just one win in their final three to clinch their fourth consecutive Linardo division title and the number one seed. Coach Jim McMahon acknowledged his team's accomplishment at his weekly media circus Wednesday.

"Four weeks ago, I noted to all of you that I had read somewhere we needed four wins to clinch no less than the number three seed in the playoffs," said McMahon, who arrived at the press conference via parachute — an act that caused a major traffic jam on Gallatin Ave. "I also noted that I didn't think that would be a problem since our next four games were all against the L division.

"Well, here we stand four weeks and four wins later; so, on behalf of the entire Black Dogs organization, I want to extend my most sincere thanks to all the Ls for the part they played in making this possible."

Picking up steam, the coach continued. "Now, we need just one win to clinch the division and the number one seed — and we intend to get it this weekend when the [12th Avenue] Bakers come to the East Nasty.

"But as big a game as our game with the Bakes is, the biggest game this weekend is between Atlanta and Fidalgo Island. If the Sea Hogs beat the Smack Daddies, it will ensure that the L champ, if you can call it that, will not have a winning record."

With three games to go, the 5-6 Daddies are the only L division team still with a chance at a winning regular-season record, but they will have to sweep their three remaining intradivison games to do it. At 4-7, the Sea Hogs still have their sights on a non-losing record, but would need to win out to get there.

McMahon answered a few questions about this weekend's game with 12th Avenue and mentioned that he personally had never lost to the Bakers, owning a 7-0 record against them. Then he turned his attention to another Jorge division coach, Cambridge's Dave the Animal.

"I noticed that once again, Dave the Animal won the coach of the week award," McMahon began. "That surely is a result of his long friendship with Bill Money because the only way the Animal should have been coach of the week last weekend was if the award was for dumb coach of the week. He loses by six points and didn't even have an active kicker in the lineup. And this from the man who just last week was outlining his path to the playoffs and his secret plan to spoil the Bakers' dream season. Apparently, his special teams coach and kicker didn't get the memo about the secret plan."

Hope Hines asked the alpha Dog what led him to sky dive into the press conference. "To be honest, my old teammate Jeff Fisher and I both lost bets to [Black Dogs GM] Buddy [Ryan]," he explained. "The payoff was we both had to jump out of an airplane. But I wasn't a pussy like Fish. I didn't have a team of paratroopers holding my hands on the way down."

When one reporter asked McMahon if he and Ryan planned to streak down Woodland St. again if the Black Dogs win their second championship, the coach said, "If we go 16-0, we would almost have to do some win-streaking. And of course, all the Black Dogs fans and you members of the media, and I use the term members in the traditional sense, will be invited to join us. Maybe we'll call it the running of the bulls."

Joe Biddle wondered what McMahon thought of the new Midtown coach, Otto Pilot. "I think he'll do at least as well as his predecessor," he replied with a smirk, then added: "But seriously, I had heard they were considering [former Bakers coach] Stumpy Legg."

After suggesting that Biddle should join Larry Woody atop the billboard on 12 south, McMahon signaled an end to the press conference by heading to the bar for the Morning Glory™ margarita awaiting him. He took a sip and said, "Ad victoriam."