By R.E. Porter
Associated Web Press
NASHVEGAS — It's the halfway point of the ninth NFFA season, and once again, it's time to hand out the teams' midterm grades.
Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs (7-0): A+
The Sea Hogs are perfect so far, have a two-game lead in the Linardo division race, and are showing no signs of suffering from any curse of the champion. In fact, they are the favorites to win the title for the third time, and become the first champion ever to repeat. They not only have scored the most points, they have had the least number of points scored against them. Also, their defenders have scored more points than any other team's defenders.
West Nashville Beelzebubbas (6-1): A
Like the Sea Hogs, the Beelzebubbas have a two-game lead in their division race. Their only loss was to the Hogs on the opening weekend, and since then, led by league-leading QB Philip Rivers, they have reeled off six straight Ws, averaging 165 points per game. The team demolished its three division opponents, winning by an average of 50 points.
Atlanta Smack Daddies (5-2): B+
The Smack Daddies are right where you would expect them to be at the halfway point: more wins than losses, third in points scored, and on track for a return to the playoffs and a chance for a third ring. And this, despite down years for two of the team's leading players: QB Aaron Rodgers and RB Chris Johnson. The Daddies only losses are to the Sea Hogs and Beelzebubbas.
Cambridge Animals (4-3): B-
After posting their second straight win last weekend against 12th Avenue in what some are calling the greatest game in NFFA history, the Animals have their "awesome awesomeness" back. With a stable of high-scoring RBs — they have five averaging 10 or more points a game — the Animals have the inside track for the second wild-card playoff spot.
East Nashville Black Dogs (3-4): C
The Black Dogs find themselves in unfamiliar territory. To begin with, they aren't atop the Jorge division, where they have been entrenched for the past five seasons. During that time, they have been the highest scoring franchise, but this season, they are next-to-last in points scored, having tallied more than 200 fewer points than the league-leading Sea Hogs. Although Coach Jizzle McMizzle vows the team will turn their season around and still make the playoffs, it looks as if what goes around has finally come back around for the Dogs.
12th Avenue Bakers (2-5): C-
Despite only two Ws, the Bakers get a C- because they have been the victim of bad luck. In three of their losses, they have scored more than 150 points, including last weekend in their two-point loss to the Animals in the so-called greatest game in league history. Owner QCurl Sharif has privately blamed QB Drew Brees for the Bakers slow start, but new GM Rahm Emanuel has dropped hints that head coach Snoop Dogg is the problem. Stay tuned for more drama in Baker nation.
Alamo Scouts (1-6): D
The Scouts were the preseason darlings of Methlon's NFFA Preview magazine, but they have disappointed so far. Starting QB Ben Roethlisberger missed the first four weeks of the season because of his suspension, plus they have only one RB in the top 10 and only one WR in the top 30. MeeMaw Murrman had better get her skillet out and start applying some motivation upside some players' heads, starting with stud WR Larry Fitzgerald.
Midtown Mojo (0-7): F
As each winless week has passed, the Midtown franchise has fallen further into disarray. After being hospitalized in a coma, owner Mojo-D has disappeared, as has mascot Mojo Jojo and GM Miss Lee Yhn. Word on the street in Hillsboro Village is that Mojo-D's hated rival Randy Rayburn is running the team now. Whether that is true or not, the team's Volvo-driving, chablis-swilling fans, who were giddy after the draft, have taken to wearing paper bags over their heads, which they consider a fashion accessory.
