nightclub scheduled to open in mid-August in West Nashville called Club Gitmo.
LINARDO TO OPEN CLUB GITMO
West Nashville Lounge to Fill Void Left by Cherry Bomb
By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya, Fantasy Sports News
West Nashville Beelzebubbas broke one of the city’s worst kept secrets today, with the official announcement that the team’s President Emeritus, Jorge Linardo, plans to open a lavish new nightclub on the Bubbas’ home turf.
The nightspot, team spokesman Wiley Peyote said during a press conference at the site this morning, will be called Club Gitmo — “to honor America and the ideals we share.”
The showplace will be located just off Centennial Avenue in West Nashville, where workmen have been busy converting an abandoned, three-story oil storage tank. The club is scheduled to open on August 15, in conjunction with Linardo’s birthday and in time for a huge NFFA draft party for Beelzebubbas fans on August 24th. Alison Krauss and Robert Plant are scheduled to perform at the grand opening. Peyote said that some “unannounced special guests” were likely, including ex-PFC Lynndie England.
“Mr. Linardo said that the destruction of the Cherry Bomb Café had left two huge holes — one in Nashville’s nightlife and one in his own heart,” said Peyote, who explained that Linardo was unable to attend the press conference due to “pressing business in Colombia.”
With the rebuilding of the fabled Cherry Bomb held up by a combination of a troubled insurance investigation, Homeland Security concerns, the emotional and chemical instability of owner Q Diddy, and demands from local Satanists that Diddy “do the right thing” by placing a portrait of the devil behind the main bar area, Peyote said that the time was right for a new club in West Nashville.
Via a projection onto a large screen, Peyote took the media on a “virtual tour” of Club Gitmo, which, like the oil storage tank, will be a windowless facility. Among the club’s attractions will be a sports book, corporate conferencing facilities (dubbed the Interrogation Center), a musical performance venue, a lounge in which guests can experience waterboarding, and another lounge downstairs where visitors can watch Linardo’s favorite movies, Scarface and Carlito’s Way, on a continuously looped double feature. The club’s exterior will be painted in an American flag motif, and there will be guard towers and fencing with razor wire along the perimeter. “It’s going to pretty much fit in with the neighborhood,” said Peyote with a smile.”
In a surprise move, Peyote introduced Devlin Redd as head bartender. Redd, who had served in a similar capacity at the Cherry Bomb, had no comment when asked if Club Gitmo would be serving the Cherry Bomb’s signature drink, the Touchdown Taser™.
To conclude the press conference, Peyote unveiled a TV ad that will be part of the club’s new marketing campaign. In the 30-second spot, Linardo stands in front of a huge screen with images of hooded detainees from Abu Ghraib Prison in Iraq. Then he intones into the camera, “Get mo’ excitement. Get mo’ fun. Get mo’ bang for your buck. Get to Club Gitmo.” Then he tosses back his head and laughs silently.
The nightspot, team spokesman Wiley Peyote said during a press conference at the site this morning, will be called Club Gitmo — “to honor America and the ideals we share.”
The showplace will be located just off Centennial Avenue in West Nashville, where workmen have been busy converting an abandoned, three-story oil storage tank. The club is scheduled to open on August 15, in conjunction with Linardo’s birthday and in time for a huge NFFA draft party for Beelzebubbas fans on August 24th. Alison Krauss and Robert Plant are scheduled to perform at the grand opening. Peyote said that some “unannounced special guests” were likely, including ex-PFC Lynndie England.
“Mr. Linardo said that the destruction of the Cherry Bomb Café had left two huge holes — one in Nashville’s nightlife and one in his own heart,” said Peyote, who explained that Linardo was unable to attend the press conference due to “pressing business in Colombia.”
With the rebuilding of the fabled Cherry Bomb held up by a combination of a troubled insurance investigation, Homeland Security concerns, the emotional and chemical instability of owner Q Diddy, and demands from local Satanists that Diddy “do the right thing” by placing a portrait of the devil behind the main bar area, Peyote said that the time was right for a new club in West Nashville.
Via a projection onto a large screen, Peyote took the media on a “virtual tour” of Club Gitmo, which, like the oil storage tank, will be a windowless facility. Among the club’s attractions will be a sports book, corporate conferencing facilities (dubbed the Interrogation Center), a musical performance venue, a lounge in which guests can experience waterboarding, and another lounge downstairs where visitors can watch Linardo’s favorite movies, Scarface and Carlito’s Way, on a continuously looped double feature. The club’s exterior will be painted in an American flag motif, and there will be guard towers and fencing with razor wire along the perimeter. “It’s going to pretty much fit in with the neighborhood,” said Peyote with a smile.”
In a surprise move, Peyote introduced Devlin Redd as head bartender. Redd, who had served in a similar capacity at the Cherry Bomb, had no comment when asked if Club Gitmo would be serving the Cherry Bomb’s signature drink, the Touchdown Taser™.
To conclude the press conference, Peyote unveiled a TV ad that will be part of the club’s new marketing campaign. In the 30-second spot, Linardo stands in front of a huge screen with images of hooded detainees from Abu Ghraib Prison in Iraq. Then he intones into the camera, “Get mo’ excitement. Get mo’ fun. Get mo’ bang for your buck. Get to Club Gitmo.” Then he tosses back his head and laughs silently.
