MCMAHON: 'THE BITCH IS BACK'

Coach Jim McMahon takes questions at his weekly media circus.


MCMAHON: 'THE BITCH IS BACK'
But Black Dogs coach is worried about 'Meemaw' factor

By R.E. Porter, Associated Web Press

During his weekly media circus at East Nasty hot spot fooBar, East Nashville coach Jim McMahon admitted that at a time when his team is hurting at the quarterback position, he is thankful to be hosting 2-7 Alamo — the team he has previously called his "bitch" and his "McBitch." But despite guaranteeing the Black Dogs would run their all-time record against owner/coach Thurman Murrman and the Scouts to 11-0, he admitted to having "some concern about the 'Meemaw' factor.

"Yeah, the bitch is back, but I don't want to mess with Meemaw Murrman, let me just leave it at that," McMahon said. "And unlike the [12th Avenue] Bakers, we're not going to allow a bunch of ThurMurr's skillet heads to bring their hardware into the Dog House.

"On a different note, I want to remind you all that this week's game promotion is "AK Day."

There were a few queries about the Sea Hogs reunion party he was planning, but the questioning soon turned to QCurl Sharif's victory party for Obama, and specifically, what was going on in the Treehouse. "The first rule about Treehouse is don't talk about Treehouse," McMahon said. "Beyond that, I refer any other questions to the Sharifs: QCurl and Omar."

SHARIF HOSTS RAUCOUS OBAMA BASH

Amy Winehouse was one of Sharif's very special guests at the West End bumpdown.
SHARIF HOSTS RAUCOUS OBAMA BASH
Election victory party still in progress

By Faith Popcorn, Bakers PR Director

In what some guests described as a return to the basics of Afro-Roman orgy science, 12th Avenue Bakers owner QCurl Sharif hosted a Barack Obama election victory party at his toney West End home that was still going at dawn.

Celebrities and common Baker faithful alike grooved to the live tones being laid down by head coach Snoop Dogg and Sharif acolyte Amy Winehouse. In the works for some time, Sharif had kept plans for the shindig on the downlow afraid that the media would accuse him of creating a distraction for his 6-3 team. Word leaked out after the hard-fought Bakers win over the Midtown Mojo this weekend that the party had been let off the chain and was open to all.

Most NFFA owners and a few coaches were in attendance, and some, including Boyd X. Biggs, were seen posing on an Egyptian barge with the stuffed body of Furious George in a smoking jacket. The scene provided the first glimpse of what had been done with George's body since his death, and ended certain distasteful rumors, while spawning a few new ones.

Some partygoers had no idea who was throwing the victory party. Two unidentified guests were flown by Lifeflight to nearby Vanderbilt Hospital in the wee hours. Details at this time are unknown.

"I was out for a walk with my wife in the neighborhood," said one obviously impaired guest. "And our dog picked up on something and then my wife picked up on some heavy bud being burned somewhere and we just followed her nose. We were given flags and fatties when we arrived and headed straight for the bar. Damn what a night! I'll look for my wife and dog tomorrow."

The guest list read like a Who's Who of old line Nashville Democrats, including a Lincoln-hatted and besotted John Jay Hooker. Some held special tickets for admittance into the "Treehouse" behind Sharif's sprawling home. And there were some fun-loving Republicans in attendance as well.

"I wouldn't miss an official QCurl party for the world," said a jack-booted, leathered-up Marsha Blackburn. "I got pregnant at his cocaine-and-cash bath after the fall of the Berlin Wall and swore then if I ever got the call again, I'd come running."

There were some who wondered openly if this party would take the shine off the scheduled re-opening of the Cherry Bomb Cafe during Thanksgiving weekend when the Bakers play the West Nashville Beelzebubbas in the annual Bacchanal celebration. Sharif put those worries to rest when cornered with the Black Dogs' Jim McMahon outside the door beneath the Treehouse.

"We've been waiting for a year like this for a long time," said a beaming Sharif. "Everything is coming together. I mean the Cherry Bomb is always going to be THE place to party — for someone to think these animals won't be back for more in a couple of weeks is ridiculous. The stars are aligning for the Bakes. Snoop is doing an outstanding job with the team ... I mean we whipped up on an always tough Mojo eleven without our big guns in the lineup and he assures me he feels good about the upcoming Fidalgo Island game. Personally, I'm moving toward a space of ethereal light and want everyone to join me on the journey ... the train leaves now."

With the moon and stars bathing everyone in a soft and muted blue light, Sharif and McMahon excused themselves to attend the Treehouse-production of a live adult-themed show starring his namesake, Omar Sharif, and a Sarah Palin look-alike flown in by "special friends" of the league.

"This is old school," said one awed observer. "We haven't seen this much unbridled passion since the parties thrown by Mr. Linardo and Lillian Gish."