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| Photo of QCurl Sharif, aka G.Q. Denney (shown upper left in circle), at one of Triki Bobber's human pit fights on Fidalgo Island in August of 2007. WR Marvin Harrison, then-Senator Larry Craig, and actor Owen Wilson also can be seen in the photo. |
By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya
FSN Sports
The 2020 US presidential election campaign took on a new and ominous turn Monday when videos and photos began appearing on Facebook and Twitter linking Bakers owner and Joe Biden ally Sir QCurl Sharif to human pit fighting and Nazi worship.
In one grainy photo that has since gone viral, a person who appears to be Sharif (then known as GQ Denney) can be seen at an illegal human pit fight staged by fellow NFFA team owner Tarik O’Bobber. Another viral video shows members of the Bakers organization in Nazi uniforms, appearing to re-enact the final days of Hitler in the bunker.
After the stories circulated online, Fox News on Monday afternoon featured a crawl at the bottom of its screens that read: “BREAKING: Biden confidante a Nazi human pit fan?”
At 3 pm EDT President Donald Trump fired off a tweet that read, “When I owned the NFFA I warned them about Sheriff Q, a TOTAL degenerate. He fits right in with Sleepy Joe and Bad News Barack. Sad!”
FSN Sports was able to trace the Facebook and Twitter stories to Russia’s Internet Research Agency, also known as the Troll Factory, in St. Petersburg. The stories, which broke just hours before the NFFA’s annual preseason draft, were widely seen as an effort to discredit both Biden and Sharif, who was personally involved in Ukraine’s effort to repel a Russian invasion and is a close friend and business associate of former Ukrainian president Petro “the Chocolate King” Poroshenko.
“The timing of this was no accident,” said Susan Rice, former US ambassador to the United Nations. “The Bakers are being picked to win a championship this year, and Vladimir Putin is trying to create a distraction for Sir QCurl on top of the challenges created by his quarterback Drew Brees’ troubling statements on race.”
A source at Facebook, requesting anonymity on grounds that she did not have permission to speak publicly, said that Trump had personally intervened with the company’s CEO, Mark Zuckerberg, to warn him that there would be “repercussions” if Facebook deleted the Russian posts.
Both stories, as it happens, are true but require additional context.
In 2007, FSN reported that GQ Denney had attended a human pit fight in Idaho as a guest of O’Bobber, who at the time was battling criminal insanity. Fellow guests included Owen Wilson and injured Bakers WR Marvin Harrison. At the time, Bakers PR Maven Faith Popcorn conceded that Denney had been present but had no memory of being there.
The Hitler video, leaked to the media at the time, was the first glimpse by the outside world into the Bakers’ elaborate draft night theme parties. “Things got a little out of hand,” Sharif acknowledged, “once the green caviar got flowing and after we somehow let Wilder the Animal draft Bironas out from under us, but it was all our own form of fun.”
Popcorn, reached for comment at the Bakers team headquarters in Central London, said it was “ridiculous” to suggest that Sharif was somehow involved in human pit fighting. “He never remembered being there,” she said. “He never even remembers being GQ Denney. And as to this Nazi rubbish, why is it anyone’s business if the team staff voted to have “The Night Porter” as a party theme?” She pointed out that, for tonight, “the Bakers have received permission from Her Majesty’s Government to use Winston Churchill’s underground command center for our draft night war room. The theme is ‘Blood, Toil, Tears and Sweat.’ We will never surrender to the Russians and the Haters.”
Mos’ Ded Opts to Remain Dead — for Now
Tonight marks the first NFFA draft for Bubbas’ owner Mos’ Ded since a health scare earlier almost rendered him “Ded n’ Gone,” as FSN TV pundit Skip Clueless put it in late June. For most of the past two months, Ded has been convalescing at QCurl Sharif’s luxury Black Sea dacha in Odessa, Ukraine.
In an exclusive interview yesterday with FSN, Ded confirmed rumors that he had received experimental treatments that enabled him to return to life without undergoing the reanimation process pioneered by Sharif in Hohenwald, TN. Ultimately, Ded said, he decided to postpone the treatment for a later date. “Especially in 2020, being dead has real advantages,” he explained. “It’s a lot easier to coordinate the Bacchanalia — which will be in Odessa this fall, by the way — when you don’t have to deal with travel logistics. Sure, I miss the Touchdown Tasers® as much as anyone, but as Sir Q often says, “There’s always next year.”
Goats’ Secret Name Change Plan Thwarted
FSN has learned that the Sylvan Goats, as the franchise was rechristened after the team’s Dead Cherokee mascot was found racially offensive by fellow league owners, had submitted a new name that was rejected by new NFFA Commissioner Bernie Sanders.
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| Wollaeger with Sasquatch statue. |
Owner Mark Wollaeger, reeling from days of protests outside his team’s offices, had planned to reintroduce the franchise as the Sylvan Sasquatch. He even had erected a statue to replace one of himself that protestors had toppled on the first day of street demonstrations.
“They were going to unveil the statue at a big press conference,” said NFFA Deputy Commissioner Meadow Soprano. “Their idea was that Bigfoot, being a Native American himself, kept some continuity with the previous name but wouldn’t offend anybody. Bernie was offended. He sent them back to the drawing board. When we approved it, we assumed ‘Goats’ was some kind of reference to the famous curse against the Chicago Cubs. Now that we see the satanic cult imagery in the logo, it makes a lot more sense for this league.”
