Mojo Jojo Returns to Midtown!

"The original inspiration for the Midtown Mojo is back" -- simian super-villain Mojo Jojo


Mojo Jojo Returns to Midtown!

By Soren Bernyn, FSN

Nearly two years since he left the Midtown NFFA franchise that bears his name, the simian super-villain Mojo Jojo has returned as the team's "heart and soul," according to Mojo D.

At the team's latest media availability at the newly remodeled Jojo-A-Go-Go, an abnormally jubilant Mojo D welcomed back Jojo: "Jojo was the original inspiration for this team, and Miss Lee-Yhn suggested -- nay, demanded -- his return. She pointed out to me: our record has been 3-15 since we sent Jojo away - coincidence?" Watch highlights from Mojo D's media availability below:

A few tidbits you won't find in the video:
The Mojo resurrected a team tradition by throwing Darren McFadden out of the team plane for scoring zero points. "We broke with tradition at Jojo's request however," Mojo D said. "We used to throw a parachute out after the player, this week we threw out Allen Rossum who also scored a goose egg. That's 4 out the door this season. "

This week's match-up of the two winless NFFA franchises could be a turning point for either one. The Scouts scored a historic low-point total in Week 4, and the Mojo could muster only 86 points. "There are times it looks like a slow-motion trainwreck," the Midtown owner/coach/GM said, "but there is no one to lay it on but Mojo D. I'm leaving points on the bench, and the guys aren't playing to win. But we have Mojo Jojo back in the fold and a couple of couches at the Jojo-A-Go-Go, so I think the boys will loosen up a but and start having fun again -- nothing but success could follow that."

Mojo D also ranted for a good bit about the Cambridge Animals and Dave the Animal, saying "the Animals scare me -- Dave and his happy little band of merry cranksters could run the table."

IS MCMIZZLE A CERTIFIED GENIUS?

The Methlon reporter who challenged Jizzle McMizzle's credentials as a coaching
genius can be seen in the above photo wearing a rasta crown and sunglasses .


By R.E. Porter
Associated Web Press

EAST NASTY — Things turned a little ugly Wednesday when a representative from Methlon's NFFA Preview disrupted East Nashville coach Jizzle McMizzle's weekly media zoo.

Midway through the press conference at McMizzle's eponymous nightclub, the Methlon reporter interrupted the coach, yelling, "Are you a certified coaching genius?"

Caught off guard by the question, the Black Dogs coach said," Am I a what?"

"Are you a certified coaching genius? One of your players, Terrence McGee, made a remark a few days ago about you being a real football genius, unlike some coaches who just call themselves geniuses," said the reporter, who was wearing dark sunglasses and a rasta crown over what appeared to be a large Afro.

"McGee was clearly referring to [Cambridge Animals owner] Dave the Animal," the unidentified reporter continued in a loud voice. "Dave the Animal is a certified genius — certified by M.I.T. I've seen the certificate. Are you a certified genius, Coach McMizzle? I think not. I know Dave the Animal, and you, sir, are no Dave the Animal."

"Well, first of all, I never said I was a genius, or that I was Dave the Animal," McMizzle said, regaining his composure. "But I buy it that the Animal is a genius, and that's why I am worried about our trip to Cambridge this weekend. By the way, who are you and what media are you with? I don't think I've ever seen you before."

"Daniel Davis with Methlon's NFFA Preview," the reporter muttered.

"Methlon's Preview, huh, I don't think I've ever seen it," McMizzle said. "When did it come out?"

"Well, it hasn't," he said. "We had some production delays, so now it will be a mid-season preview."

"Now there's a new genre of magazines for you — the mid-season preview," McMizzle quipped. Then he added, "Good luck with that, I think you'll need it," which drew a few laughs from the other reporters.

With that, the coach headed for the bar where a Morning Glory margarita awaited him, which signaled the end of the press event. As was his custom, McMizzle left the gathered media with a parting remark in Latin: "Oriens dominor bestia."

One final note regarding the Animal's certification as a genius by M.I.T.: The AWP has learned the accrediting institution was not the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, but rather the lesser-known Methamphetamine Institute of Technology.