By R.E. Porter
Associated Web Press
PHILADELPHIA—At a hastily called press conference in Philadelphia this evening, East Nashville Black Dogs owner Bill Money announced that former Black Dogs running back Marshawn Lynch would take over for the late Buddy Ryan as the team's new general manager.
With Lynch at his side, Money spoke to the media outside the Wells Fargo Center, home this week to the Democratic National Convention where Money was a delegate for his cousin Bernie Sanders. "I want to thank you all for attending on such short notice," the former NFFA commissioner said, beginning his remarks. "As you all know, our great franchise lost an important member of our family last month, general manager Buddy Ryan, the only GM we ever had. Buddy had been with the franchise for 15 years, serving as the GM and coach the first two-and-a-half seasons, then as GM only after that until one month ago today.
"In 14 seasons under Buddy's direction," Money continued, "the Black Dogs had unmatched success: three NFFA championships including the only undefeated season in league history, the runner-up four other times, 10 Jorge division titles, and only one losing season.
"At the time of his passing, Buddy was in the process of evaluating candidates to replace longtime head coach Jim McMahon, who as you know retired at the end of last season. Now the job of selecting Jim's successor will fall to someone else, the man standing at my side tonight, the man who is about to make Beast Mode the Black Dog Mode, Mr. Marshawn Lynch."
Money went on to say Lynch had sent word that he was interested in the GM job and had flown into Philly on Wednesday for an interview. As it would turn out, the interview lasted less than a minute, a video of which can be seen above. Money called it the most compelling 30 seconds of his life.
The owner of the East Nashville franchise then turned the floor over to Lynch, who promptly joked, "I'm only here, boss, so I don't get fined." After the laughter died down, he continued. "But seriously I'm not gonna take any questions or nothin'. I just want to say I'm happy to be back with the Black Dogs and I'm ready to draft some players who wanna run through a mother[expletive]'s face."
