SHARIF NAMED PAPAL NUNCIO Diplomatic status opens doors to US for embattled Bakers owner

Bakers owner QCurl Sharif has a message for President Trump from the Vatican.

By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya

FSN Sports

In a surprise announcement from the Vatican Tuesday morning, Sir QCurl Sharif has been named as a papal nuncio to the Choctaw Nation of Tennessee.

The announcement, which came with little fanfare, was issued through a news release from the Holy See Press Office and an accompanying story in L’Osservatore Romano, the official newspaper of the Vatican.

In a telephone interview, Vatican spokesman Father Guido Sarducci said that the appointment — the first time a nuncio has been sent to a Native American tribe — came about through the intercession of Cardinal Giorgio Leonardo, who once occupied an office next to Sharif’s Cherry Bomb Café in Nashville’s 12 South district. According to Father Sarducci, Cardinal Leonardo spoke directly to Pope Francis, urging him to equip Sharif with diplomatic credentials that would allow him to travel to Nashville freely.

In August, the Trump administration declared Sharif persona non grata and barred him from entering the United States. Federal judge Naomi Morningstar ruled that the administration could not legally deny the right, guaranteed under the NFFA’s constitution, of a team owner to attend his or her team’s games. But the U.S. Supreme Court stayed Judge Morningstar’s ruling pending a decision by the high court that is expected sometime next year. 

The political pressure on Sharif, who served as a freedom fighter in Ukraine against a Russian invasion and who is close to former Ukraine president Petro “the Chocolate King” Poroshenko, has only increased since he publicly identified himself last month as the “whistleblower,” whose official complaint triggered the impeachment investigation into President Donald J. Trump.

When a reporter pointed out the unusual timing of the Vatican announcement, which coincides with Bacchanal Week in Nashville — noting that the West Nashville Beelzebubbas’ Club Gitmo nightclub and team headquarters are located on sovereign Choctaw Nation lands and that Sharif would now enjoy diplomatic immunity from arrest — Father Sarducci responded: “To be honest, I did not know that Sharif was a Catholic. Maybe he’s not. If you talk to him first, would you ask him? But what can I tell you? Sir Q is doing the Lord’s work in standing up to white nationalism, and we know that the Lord works in mysterious ways. I mean, first Moses and now this.”

Attempts to reach Sharif on Tuesday were unsuccessful. The embattled owner of the London Bakers spent last weekend at his heavily guarded country estate, reportedly writing songs with Robert Plant for a new Led Zeppelin album. A person who answered the phone at the Bakers’ team offices in Central London said that Sharif planned to travel to Nashville after the annual Integrity Dinner to attend the Bacchanal and the Bubbas-Bakers tilt, which has playoff implications for both teams. During the telephone conversation, an unidentified voice could be heard in the background shouting, “Rawk!”

SHARIF DECRIES REPUBLICAN NARRATIVE Plant Joins Owner In Seclusion

Robert Plant (left) and QCurl Sharif at Wembley Stadium afterparty following a soccer match earlier this year. Plant has joined Sharif this weekend at the Hindleg estate outside of London.

Man Ray Natural

The Mainline Dope

LONDON—London Bakers owner QCurl Sharif did not travel with the team to Nashville for this week's divisional game against the East Nashville Black Dogs, as reported on the Times of London website early Thursday. Sharif has chosen to stay indefinitely at his country estate Hindleg, near Bladderstone, in the rolling hills an hour northwest of London.

Bakers PR maven Faith Popcorn told the Times Sharif had expressed a leeriness of traveling to the U.S. as the presidential impeachment inquiry hit high gear. Bakers minority partner Petro Poroshenko, former president of Ukraine, has become part of the narrative within the inquiry as Republicans have pointed to possible corruption and improprieties between the Obama administration and Poroshenko's.

In a prepared statement released by Sharif earlier in the week, he claimed that “Big Chocky had done nothing wrong as Ukraine's president, and that the Republican attempt to deflect attention from Trump's blatant, orchestrated campaign of corruption for personal gain is hollow and smells of Putin thuggery.”

Sharif, himself, was poisoned during a summer spiritual retreat in North Carolina in 2018, an event that is widely believed to have been coordinated by Russian intelligence. His lengthy recovery kept Sharif out ot the team's day-to-day until this year, a highly disappointing season after such high hopes.

His decision not to travel with the team to Nashville has brought speculation that Sharif fears for his life. Maven said otherwise.

“His decision is based simply on his desire to keep the Bakers focused on the game with the Black Dogs,” she told the Times. “He wants Mr. Dogg and the lads to go in there and pull one out of their hearts and bring it back to London. Quite frankly, if Mr. Sharif attended the game, the security considerations at the stadium and the Cherry Bomb and Treehouse would be mind-boggling. 

“Our people on the ground have expressed some concern, even though the Kurdish community in Nashville has offered security support, and he decided to repair to Hindleg. He has a weekend planned there with Robert Plant, which will include watching the game together, and I believe Judge [Naomi] Morningstar has arranged to fly in and join them, as well.”

WHO'S YOUR GRANDMOTHER 'Bubbas go for nine straight wins over Animals since title game of 2015

In 2016, a Santeria high priestess (shown above) unleashed the "grandmother of all curses" on the defending champion Cambridge Animals, who are winless against the West Nashville Beelzebubbas since then.

By R.E. Porter

Associated Web Press

Curses are a big deal in the Nashvegas Fantasy Football Association. Of course there is the curse of the champion which has prevented any team from ever winning back-to-back titles. Then there is the curse of Brady which has prevented any team quarterbacked by New England QB Tom Brady, arguably the greatest quarterback in NFL history, from winning an NFFA championship. But it's a couple of lesser-known curses which take center stage this weekend when the Cambridge Animals face the West Nashville Beelzebubbas at Colt 45 Stadium.

When the Animals defeated the Beelzebubbas to win the NFFA title in 2015, 'Bubbas owner/GM Mos' Ded failed to offer congratulations to Animals owner Dave the Animal in a timely fashion. That resulted in DTA unleashing the "mother of all curses" on the Beelzebubbas. Mos' Ded retaliated against the Animals with the "grandmother of all curses." In the ensuing seasons, we've learned grandma beats mama, as West Nashville has reeled off eight consecutive wins over Cambridge and goes for a ninth straight this weekend.

"We tried to lift the curse after we made the blockbuster preseason trade, but the curse was too strong," Ded said when reached for comment. "We didn't realize how powerful that Santeria juju really was."

The importance of the "grandmother of all curses" is magnified this weekend as the Animals sit atop the Jorge division with a precarious one-game lead over the East Nashville Black Dogs. "We wish we had that grandmother carrying the rock for us," Black Dogs coach Marshawn Lynch said. "We'd be undefeated."

The 'Bubbas announced on Thursday that the first one thousand grandmothers to enter Colt 45 Stadium this weekend will receive both a Colt 45 firearm and a "foty" of Colt 45 malt liquor.

When the AWP reached out to the Animals for comment, neither DTA nor GM Wilder the Animal were available.