WTA SUSPENDED, LEAGUE TO INVESTIGATE Improper benefits to English teacher alleged

By Ariel Muth-Tafoya
FSN Sports

In a startling development, Cambridge Animals’ wunderkind general manager Wilder the Animal was suspended from school Monday after officials claimed he had bribed his freshman English teacher in order to avoid classwork.

WTA leaving BHS after being suspended. 

According to officials at William S. Burroughs High School in Cambridge, where WTA is a student, Wilder had provided his teacher with four club-level season tickets at The Zoo, as the Animals’ stadium is known to fans, plus tickets to the Animals’ game against the Bakers in London. “He was basically making all personnel moves for the team during English class,” said Principal Thurston Howell IV. “And he bribed the teacher not only to look the other way but to give him A’s in everything but poetry. I admire the young man’s entrepreneurial abilities, but this is totally unacceptable behavior for a BHS student.”

Sources said that WTA’s shenanigans came to light when fellow students, who believed Animal the Younger was receiving special treatment, informed the principal. At least one student, however, cast blame elsewhere. “It was kind of cool that all the personnel moves for the NFFA defending champions were getting made right in our classroom,” said the student, who asked to remain anonymous for fear of retribution. “But it was the worst kept secret in town. Everybody but the principal and Mr. Dave the Animal knew about it. This only became a thing because the principal was pissed he was getting cut out on the ticket deal. Wilder will learn from this.”

No length for WTA’s suspension was given, and attempts to reach DTA, who was said to be in New Mexico for the annual chilé harvest, were unsuccessful. 

Reached on Tuesday, Deputy NFFA Commissioner Meadow Soprano promised “a thorough and fair” investigation. “We take allegations of organized crime very seriously,” Soprano said, “especially when it looks as disorganized as this appears to be. I suspect this will be a topic that gets discussed at Mr. Sharif’s annual Integrity Dinner in London this weekend.”