BOBBER SUSPENDED, SEA HOGS STRIPPED OF TITLE
'Beelzebubbas crowned NFFA champs for the second time
By R.E. Porter, Associated Web Press
This morning, Triki Bobber, the reputed criminally insane owner of the Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs, was suspended indefinitely from all NFFA activities by deputy commissioners Mo and Cash Money.
At a freewheeling press conference this morning in the lobby of the NFFA Tower in downtown Nashvegas, the Money twins also announced that they had dispatched the recently returned Jorge Linardo to Fidalgo Island to run the team on an interim basis. "As usual, uncle Jorge has put his own plans aside to help out the league," Mo Money said, reading from a prepared statement.
"We are also stripping Fidalgo Island of it's title," Mo continued. "By default, this makes the West Nashville Beelzebubbas the 2007 NFFA champions. We want to congratulate uncle X. and the rest of the West Nashville franchise.
"This also elevates the Midtown Mojo to the runner-up position, which gives owner Mojo D the best first year in league history. We also want to congratulate uncle Mojo."
When asked why they had suspended Bobber, several observers thought they heard Mo say, "Because we can," before the microphone was ripped from her hand by her six-minute-older sister Cash. From that point forward, Cash was in charge of the proceedings.
"Because we can no longer tolerate having a criminally insane owner in this fine, upstanding league. League security is still gathering evidence, so we aren't at liberty to disclose the exact nature of Bobber's infractions," Cash explained.
When asked about the whereabouts of her father, Commissioner William D. Money, and whether or not he supported this move against one of his oldest friends, Cash said, "Daddy is fully supportive of Bobber's suspension. In fact, he placed the call to uncle Jorge to ask him to take charge of the Fidalgo Island franchise.
"As for his whereabouts, Daddy is no longer in the NFFA bunker and has moved to an undisclosed location for reasons of security," Cash explained. "Quite frankly, Daddy is concerned Bobber is going to try to kill him. Uncle Jorge intercepted information that Bobber has acquired a 2,000-pound, bunker buster bomb. Uncle Jorge then said, 'Fidalgo delenda est,' which I think means he'll be toast."
"It means 'Fidalgo must be destroyed,'" East Nashville coach Jim McMahon said from the audience, to which Cash replied, "Cool."
At that point, Cash ended the press conference, saying, "That's all for today. We will let you know when we have more information."
Afterwards, McMahon told this reporter he felt bad for Bobber. "Whatever Bobber did, he can't really be held responsible, you know. After all, he's criminally insane. It would be like blaming Ted Bundy for killing all those woman." When it was pointed out that most people did blame Ted Bundy for killing all those women, McMahon said perplexedly, "Oh, really?"
At a freewheeling press conference this morning in the lobby of the NFFA Tower in downtown Nashvegas, the Money twins also announced that they had dispatched the recently returned Jorge Linardo to Fidalgo Island to run the team on an interim basis. "As usual, uncle Jorge has put his own plans aside to help out the league," Mo Money said, reading from a prepared statement.
"We are also stripping Fidalgo Island of it's title," Mo continued. "By default, this makes the West Nashville Beelzebubbas the 2007 NFFA champions. We want to congratulate uncle X. and the rest of the West Nashville franchise.
"This also elevates the Midtown Mojo to the runner-up position, which gives owner Mojo D the best first year in league history. We also want to congratulate uncle Mojo."
When asked why they had suspended Bobber, several observers thought they heard Mo say, "Because we can," before the microphone was ripped from her hand by her six-minute-older sister Cash. From that point forward, Cash was in charge of the proceedings.
"Because we can no longer tolerate having a criminally insane owner in this fine, upstanding league. League security is still gathering evidence, so we aren't at liberty to disclose the exact nature of Bobber's infractions," Cash explained.
When asked about the whereabouts of her father, Commissioner William D. Money, and whether or not he supported this move against one of his oldest friends, Cash said, "Daddy is fully supportive of Bobber's suspension. In fact, he placed the call to uncle Jorge to ask him to take charge of the Fidalgo Island franchise.
"As for his whereabouts, Daddy is no longer in the NFFA bunker and has moved to an undisclosed location for reasons of security," Cash explained. "Quite frankly, Daddy is concerned Bobber is going to try to kill him. Uncle Jorge intercepted information that Bobber has acquired a 2,000-pound, bunker buster bomb. Uncle Jorge then said, 'Fidalgo delenda est,' which I think means he'll be toast."
"It means 'Fidalgo must be destroyed,'" East Nashville coach Jim McMahon said from the audience, to which Cash replied, "Cool."
At that point, Cash ended the press conference, saying, "That's all for today. We will let you know when we have more information."
Afterwards, McMahon told this reporter he felt bad for Bobber. "Whatever Bobber did, he can't really be held responsible, you know. After all, he's criminally insane. It would be like blaming Ted Bundy for killing all those woman." When it was pointed out that most people did blame Ted Bundy for killing all those women, McMahon said perplexedly, "Oh, really?"
