WHO'S YOUR DADDY ???
By Bill O'Really, FAUX News
According to Nostradamus, the answer to that question for Lex Dominica, owner of the Atlanta Smack Daddies, is none other than Triki Bobber, owner of the Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs. At least that is what the scholars at the University of Paris (La Sorbonne) say Nostradamus said. Early this morning they released a new quatrain from Nostradamus’ “Le Prophecies de Sporte” (Sports Picks). The new quatrain is believed to predict a Sea Hog victory over the Smack Daddies in their Week 14 matchup this weekend.
Entitled “The Accursed” and written over 450 years ago, Quatrain 614 reads as follows:
From out of the south in Week 14,
Comes the Dominican bearing his bane,
Cursed by the shaman for his ancestor’s sin,
He’s smacked down by the criminally insane.
The quatrain apparently refers to a curse placed upon the family of Lex Dominica by a medicine man on the island of Dominica several hundred years ago. According to legend, Lex Dominica's conquistador ancestor killed a tribal chieftain by throwing him into the island's famed Boiling Lake (shown in the southeast corner of the map above) and, in retribution, was cursed by the tribe's medicine man. "The Curse" affects the male members of the Dominica family, depriving each of his heart's desire, in Lex's case, continued success in fantasy football. With Lex going up against the notorious Triki Bobber (reputed to be criminally insane), it is easy to see why the quatrain is interpreted as predicting a victory for Bobber's Sea Hogs.
Fidalgo Islanders are betting Nostradamus is right. Local banks are reporting a huge increase in second mortgages as Sea Hogs fans increase their wagers on this week’s game.
Fidalgo Islanders have a lot of catching up to do for last week’s debacle where the Sea Hogs lost to the Mojo despite a favorable prediction from Nostradamus. However, Fidalgo Islanders blame Triki Bobber for the loss, not Nostradamus, as Bobber made a last-minute substitution of Josh Cribbs for Hines Ward which cost the Sea Hogs the game. Rumor has it that Bobber was trying to help Mojo D, his fellow Linardo Division member, obtain a spot in the playoffs. Bobber has denied any such motivation for his questionable move.
