MOJO D UNDER INVESTIGATION BY DEPARTMENT OF WILDLIFE RESOURCES
Report alleges "brutal killing" of endangered Sea Hog to inspire team
By Kimon Iwannalayya, Fantasy Sports Network
Midtown Mojo owner/coach Mojo D reportedly killed an endangered North Pacific Manatee (also called the Sea Hog) in an attempt to fire up his team in the run-up to their tilt with the hated Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs and their criminally insane owner Triki Bobber.
Mojo GM Rosetta Stone and other team officials declined comment, but sources close to the investigation claim that the reclusive owner — who also leads the NFFA in coaching efficiency — had the enromous animal shipped from Japan to the Planet Mojo compound early in the week. During the team's walk-through Saturday, the coach forced the Mojo to watch as he killed and dismembered the 1,100-pound ocean mammal with a ceremonial dagger, then brought in his personal sushi chef to serve the beast's prime cuts to the team.
Mojo D reportedly first learned of the Sea Hog delicacy on a business trip to Kyoto a decade ago, when he dined with an alleged member of the yakuza at the gangster's sushi bar, which specialized in serving endangered and banned animals. When he was arrested in 2001, it was revealed that the restaurant's menu included tiger tartare, panda tempura and orangutan brains served warm in the animal's skull, with the added pleasure of playing with the primate before dinner.
This reporter reached Mojo D late on Monday on his satellite phone. The owner would not reveal his whereabouts, saying only "There is an investigation in progress — but the evidence is, shall we say, 86'ed," referring to the restaurant-server term for menu items that are no longer available.
At a late-night victory celebration Monday, there was a massive sushi spread, and one guest reported "the finest sashimi I've ever tasted — especially sweet considering the victory over Triki Bobber."
