DENNEY IN SECLUSION; FRENCH CHIMP CALLS FOR FORFEIT
By Faith Popcorn, Bakers VP of Public Relations
As Baker owner GQ Denney languishes in seclusion atop the Cherry Bomb Cafe, mourning his team's no-show in Week 1, news has surfaced that may have an impact on the league, and more importantly, the Midtown Mojo. From his chateau in southern France, the cousin of fallen and beloved Baker mascot Mr. TD, has called on NFFA Commissioner William D. Money, to forfeit the Mojos opening day rout of the Bakers.
It has become common and admitted knowledge this past week that Mojo quarterback Tom Brady benefited from illegal video taping of the Bakers sideline in an effort to steal their defensive calls. Thus far, no one in the league office has come forward with comment. The silence has led Mr. TD's cousin, Furious George, a retired actor and former cabaret owner, to call for action.
"My cousin is dead," he said yesterday through an interpreter. "Mon cousin est morte. It is my wish that no further insult be inflicted on his corpse, and on the mind of his most loved friend, GQ Denney. They were brothers-in-arms. I will always remember my month here in 1969 with the two of them. We played polo on donkeys and ran naked through the vineyards of my grandfather. The Purple Owlsley they brought as a gift added 20 years to my career ... I cry today for both of them. It is an outrage that the Mojo — how you say — son-of-a-bitch has been allowed to get away with this. At the very least, I call on the Mojo owner — a swine — to pay the league fees for the Bakers."
As has been widely reported, Denney has not spoken with the media since the loss.
"We prefer to focus on the game this weekend and forget the past," said Baker head coach Randy Warhol. "We feel violated but we can't let [the disastrous loss] destroy us. I think GQ is embarrassed and upset because he had made some promises to some people — some scary people."
