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| Kellyanne Conway announced this week The Village Green will host the London Bakers at the Bakers' old field, formerly known as Grey Goose Stadium. |
By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya
FSN Sports
Through media spokesperson Kellyanne Conway, The Village Green announced Tuesday that the team’s upcoming game against the London Bakers will be played in the Bakers’ old Nashville home, formerly known as Grey Goose Stadium.
According to Conway, the Nashville Sports Council and Mayor Megan Barry agreed to a one-weekend, “special event” lease that will permit the two teams to use the stadium, which the Bakers sold to the city after their relocation to the U.K. The terms of the lease, Conway said, also permit the Trump organization to use the name Trump 12 South Stadium for the venue that weekend.
“We think this will make for an even more exciting event for our fans and all NFFA fans,” Conway said. Echoing that thought, President Trump tweeted Tuesday morning: “Can’t wait to WELCOME the failing drug dealers and traitors from London back to their old digs for a beating!”
The rest of the league seemed surprised and disturbed by this development. “Trump has his own stadium in town, though I can see why he wouldn’t want to play in that dump of a dome,” said Commissioner Jim McMahon.
Bubbas VP of Fan Success Saddam Hussein, who was sitting next to McMahon at the Club Gitmo Sports Book Sandwich Shop, chimed in: “This is clearly an act of psychological warfare, not to mention a desecration of a space that many of us hold sacred. It was on [Baker owner QCurl] Sharif’s property, after all, that I watched my own execution on TV back in the day.”
Trump’s move isn’t the only recent indignity the Bakers have suffered in the city. When the team returned to Nashville earlier in October for a game against the Black Dogs, the pregame show featured a troupe of 20 “Megging Barry” impersonators – an apparent dig at Bakers’ QB Tom Brady – who danced lewdly to a “God Save the Queens” parody version of the English national anthem. The act created a diplomatic incident with the British government, which demanded a formal apology from the United States.
Gore Urges Black Dogs to Victory in Week 8
After his Beelzebubbas team scored a rare victory at The Dawg House Monday, RB Frank Gore and Bubbas Coach Barry Switzer paid a surprise visit to the East Nashville locker room, FSN has learned.
They offered words of encouragement that were especially meaningful to Gore, a member of the 2008 Black Dogs, the only championship team in league history to finish with a perfect 16-0 record.
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| Frank Gore |
“This was a great game tonight,” said Gore to the defending league champions. “Now, on behalf of all the 2008 Black Dogs, we want y’all to go tear up that Corsair ass next weekend.” As no one needed to remind the players, the Corsairs have run through the first half of the season with an unblemished 7-0 record.
“We knew all along we couldn’t count on Goodrow,” said Gore, referring to the Village Green’s unexpectedly close bid for an upset win over the Corsairs. “It’s up to y’all. Make it rough on those Jack White boys.”
Speaking to reporters afterward, Switzer said, “It’s just a great privilege to finally get the opportunity to coach in this league, and to come in after the team started off 0-3 and now be tied for first place. Tonight we had the kind of old-school, slobberknocker game between two traditional powers that scored nearly 400 points between them. It was like Ali-Frazier, Cowboys-Redskins, OU-Nebraska, not like this low-scoring 3-D chess [expletive] since the league got all Trumpified.
“I’m not the only one saying that, either. Mr. Linardo called me tonight. He knows you don’t just pull out your dick at The Dawg House and expect to win. He said, ‘Balance has been restored to the Force.’ I didn’t really understand what he was saying, but I know what he meant.”
Condolence Call Causes Kerfuffle
What was intended as a condolence call from the President of the United States to the public face of the Atlanta Smack Daddies last week has turned into another off-field controversy for the NFFA.
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| Alge Crumpler |
Hours after the Daddies’ QB Carson Palmer left the game with a broken arm, Donald Trump placed a call to the Alge Crumpler, who serves in a consulting and community relations capacity for the team. White House Spokeskank Sarah Huckabee Slanders said Trump meant to commiserate with Smack Daddies’ owner Lex Dominica, whose team has been decimated by injuries this season. As Slanders pointed out, Trump’s own team, The Village Green, lost QB and top draft pick Aaron Rodgers to injury a week earlier — and has not won since.
Crumpler, however, took a different view of the call. “He (Trump) kept babbling about ‘Your guy knew what he was getting into, but I guess it still hurts,’ ” said the former All-NFFA tight end. “He didn’t even know ‘our guy’s’ name. It’s CARSON, bitch! And he totally disrespected the fact that our team is under the Dominica curse. People here are hurting, and he’s just running that punkass mouth. And Sarah Slanders? Don’t get me started on that thing. That’s Baghdad Bob in a toesack dress.”
Despite repeated attempts, Smack Daddies owner Dominica could not be reached for comment.
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