MIDTOWN MOJO HIRE NEW COACH
By Kimon Iwannalayya, Fantasy Sports Network
GM Rosetta Stone and owner Mojo D announced new coach C.O. Jones today at a press briefing broadcast via satellite from an undisclosed location. Jones is the son of Boston Celtics legend K.C. Jones, and the owner said he was hired during the off-season "to raise our game after a strong return season.
"We made it to the playoffs but need to win it all," the Midtown owner said. "We have something to prove and the tools to make it happen. Our new coach will be the match on the oily rags."
The new coach has no obvious football experience and has spent the last seven years in Mexico, following some mysterious circumstances with the DEA and ATF during a botched sting operation that allegedly involved Triki Bobber, criminally insane owner of the Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs, disgraced NFFA champions.
During his stay in Mexico, Jones became a moderately successful wrestler on the Oaxaca circuit, grappling under the moniker El Supremo Perrito (the biggest little dog). His signature move was the devastating El Kabong, which he has promised to demonstrate on the Mojo's opponents this season.
When asked about his decision to hire a coach with no experience, Mojo D said, "He's shown me exactly the take-no-prisoners attitude required to excel in this league. The rest is just details."
Rumors have swirled around Planet Mojo that the owner and new coach share a checkered past that culminated in Jones being the fall guy in the aforementioned sting. Mojo D would say only, "There is no proof that I had anything to do with the Bobber situation and its connection to Jorge — oh wait, did I say Jorge was involved? Whatever — the statute of limitations has expired."
In other Midtown news, the team welcomed back cartoon evil genius and mascot Mojo Jojo from what the team owner described as "a series of 25-day stays at 28-day programs" in an effort to rehab the monkey. Mojo D added, "It was a lot cheaper to hire a full-time sitter, and he's never going to be better anyway. We've always had the position that we just want him to show up, so this looks like a good solution."
Enigmatic owner Mojo D also announced that he has appointed a "Pompatus of Love". Typically, Mojo D offered no details or explanation, but sources indicate he is referring to a shadowy Planet Mojo insider known as "Miss Lee-Yhn."
"We made it to the playoffs but need to win it all," the Midtown owner said. "We have something to prove and the tools to make it happen. Our new coach will be the match on the oily rags."
The new coach has no obvious football experience and has spent the last seven years in Mexico, following some mysterious circumstances with the DEA and ATF during a botched sting operation that allegedly involved Triki Bobber, criminally insane owner of the Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs, disgraced NFFA champions.
During his stay in Mexico, Jones became a moderately successful wrestler on the Oaxaca circuit, grappling under the moniker El Supremo Perrito (the biggest little dog). His signature move was the devastating El Kabong, which he has promised to demonstrate on the Mojo's opponents this season.
When asked about his decision to hire a coach with no experience, Mojo D said, "He's shown me exactly the take-no-prisoners attitude required to excel in this league. The rest is just details."
Rumors have swirled around Planet Mojo that the owner and new coach share a checkered past that culminated in Jones being the fall guy in the aforementioned sting. Mojo D would say only, "There is no proof that I had anything to do with the Bobber situation and its connection to Jorge — oh wait, did I say Jorge was involved? Whatever — the statute of limitations has expired."
In other Midtown news, the team welcomed back cartoon evil genius and mascot Mojo Jojo from what the team owner described as "a series of 25-day stays at 28-day programs" in an effort to rehab the monkey. Mojo D added, "It was a lot cheaper to hire a full-time sitter, and he's never going to be better anyway. We've always had the position that we just want him to show up, so this looks like a good solution."
Enigmatic owner Mojo D also announced that he has appointed a "Pompatus of Love". Typically, Mojo D offered no details or explanation, but sources indicate he is referring to a shadowy Planet Mojo insider known as "Miss Lee-Yhn."
