SHIVA, DENNEY RETURN, THREATEN SATAN
Enlightened owner promises victory; one 'helluva show'
By Hunter Thompson Gunn, BTG News
NASHVILLE — In a stunning appearance last night on 12th Avenue, Shiva the Destroyer returned to the site of the Cherry Bomb Cafe with a naked Bakers owner GQ Denney in tow. They hovered over the site for several minutes attracting onlookers from the various bars and restaurants that dot the avenue.
Shiva spoke to an estimated crowd of 200 in seven languages at once, prompting at least one observer to expose her breasts and proclaim herself as his bride. Others, including Bakers' head coach Pacman Jones, claims to have understood the message telepathically.
"Heshee said heshee is the giver of life and the destroyer as well in full circle of neverending ecstasy," said Jones. "He also guaranteed a win over the Beelzebubbas this week and said Satan is truly insignificant ... so insignificant that he swears he will destroy him if he performs at the Bacchanal. Man it was beautiful. Then he said we will join as one...I don't think he meant literally at least I hope not..he's a big heshee."
Bakers PR maven, Faith Popcorn, confirmed that Denney had indeed returned and stayed in her home last night. She said he has not spoken of missing player Marvin Harrison, but did reveal that he had summoned Shiva to Four Corners, north of Taos, to help him out of a jam.
"They go way back," she said. And then, after being informed of Jones' comments to the press, she was more circumspect. "That thing about neverending ecstasy should not be interpreted as a literal bottomless barrel of the drug for revelers at the Bacchanal. We want this thing to evolve into a more family-oriented event, though I realize this will never be Disneyland."
Upon saying the word 'Disneyland', Popcorn turned into a giant emerald bird and attacked this reporter. Fortunately, she was subdued by Denney who was sitting in on the interview. He was wearing a bright chain similar to one Jones had been wearing earlier. The emerald bird seemed mesmerized by the chain.
"I'm back," said Denney. "We have unfinished business here. The city will be bumping come Sunday, kickin out the universal jams. Our relationship with Boyd X. Biggs and the entire Beelzebubba's organization is strong and we are looking forward to getting down. I just got in so I haven't seen the entire lineup for the Bacchanal and I really appreciated the Beelzebubbas carrying the water up til now. I do know the Dead Southern Rockers are looking forward to this as well as Haven Hamilton. Satan I'm sure has been working on his act ... I don't want this Shiva thing to get blown out of proportion. I think it's just the buttons talking. ..And don't be surprised if Marvin doesn't show up for a Marvin Gaye tribute. I'm just saying."
Some tickets remain for the infield at Centennial Park. Contact either team's front office for more info.
