THE CURSE OF DOMINICA
Archeologist says Smack Daddies, Scouts victims of ancient witchcraft
By R.E. Porter, Associated Web Press
Hundreds of years ago during the Spanish conquest of the New World, one conquistador took his lust for power a little too far and his descendants are being punished for his actions to this day. Or so claims archeologist James “Bones” Digger.
On the small Caribbean isle of Dominica, a conquistador dethroned the tribal ruler by tossing him into the island’s famous boiling lake. Standing on the edge of the boiling lake, the Spaniard, whose real name has been lost to history, declared himself “Lex Dominica,” the law of Dominica. In an act of revenge, the tribal medicine man put a curse on the conquistador and his male descendants.
According to a stela unearthed by Digger on the island, the curse manifests itself differently in each generation of the Dominica bloodline, but always denies his descendants whatever they hold most dear. “A rough translation of the curse would be, ‘For all eternity, you and yours will be denied,” Digger said.
Digger has traced the conquistador’s living descendants to the U.S. and it is none other than Atlanta Smack Daddies owner Lex Dominica and his nephew Thurman Murrman, owner of the Alamo Scouts. (Many people do not know that Murrman’s mother was a Dominica.)
The archeologist insists that the “Curse of Dominica” is the reason the Smack Daddies and Scouts have had 200 or more points scored on them seven times. (There have only been nine instances ever where a team has topped 200 points.) “It is my understanding that Mr. Dominica and Mr Murrman take their fantasy football very seriously,” Digger explained. “In fact, I hear that there is nothing more important to them than winning at fantasy football, there is nothing in which they take more pride.”
According to Digger, Dominica will be immune from the curse once his oldest child reaches the age of 21. At that point, the curse falls to that child. As for the childless Murrman, the archeologist predicted a lifetime of disappointment on the fantasy football gridiron. “I would expect Murrman to essentially be the league bitch for the next decade or so.”
