TRUMP DESECRATES SHRINE Bironas gravesite vid rouses MAGA, enrages NFFA

In a move intended to insult London Bakers owner QCurl Sharif, Donald Trump filmed a campaign video at the gravesite of late Bakers legend Rob Bironas.

By Ariel-Mutha Tafoya

FSN Sports

In a move that appeared calculated to energize his base and create a firestorm of media attention, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump and a small entourage filmed a campaign video at the gravesite of former Bakers placekicker Rob Bironas.

In the video, uploaded on Trump’s TruthSocial site, the smiling former president stands in a thumbs-up pose next to the bronze plaque covering the final resting place of Bironas, who was killed in 2014 in a single-vehicle crash that rumors connected to road rage. 

Timed to coincide with the tenth anniversary of the fatal crash, Trump faulted Sir QCurl Sharif in the video, claiming that the reclusive Bakers owner was both responsible for Bironas’ death and had slighted the memory of the player he had once called “the noblest Baker of them all.”

“If Curleycue Sheriff has been a better owner and a better human being, Rod Bananas might be with us still today,” said Trump, butchering the names of both the Bakers owner and Bironas, one of the most beloved players in franchise history. “And he pulls out to London just like his buddy Sleepy Joe pulled out of Afghanistan. Why isn’t he here today like me to pay his respects?”

Reaction around the league was swift and, occasionally, violent. NFFA Commissioner Bernie Sanders issued a statement saying, “This is an outrage and tantamount to a declaration of war against the greatest sports league of all time.”

Said league founder Dr. Jorgé Linardo, “The only reason anyone will visit Donald Trump’s grave is to piss on it, which I look forward to doing very soon.”

As soon as rumors spread of Trump’s presence in Nashville, Baker fans rushed to the crash site, led by superfan Bill Cheatham, who was armed with two assault rifles. But by the time he and others arrived, Trump’s entourage was gone.

Earlier in the day, hundreds of Bakers fans had gathered at the gravesite, as they have done each September 20 for the past decade to mark Bironas’ death. However, by the time Trump’s entourage arrived, only two of the mourners remained, including Bakers Fan Club president and community organizer Roz Tefarian. The other fan, who wished to remain anonymous out of concern for her safety, said Tefarian was shoved by Trump campaign advisor Corey Lewandowski.

On X (formerly Twitter), Cheatham said reactivated members of the Fedayeen Baker militia would keep an armed vigil at the gravesite to prevent future “desecrations.” He added that they would also patrol the gravesite of longtime Baker quarterback Steve McNair, whom Cheatham described as “the heart and soul of the heart and soul of this league.”

In the aftermath of Trump’s visit, police in Brentwood received numerous reports of Trump yard signs being vandalized. Meanwhile, the FBI was investigating reports that cell phones and pagers belonging to employees of the Trump campaign exploded simultaneously, causing an undetermined number of injuries and at least two unconfirmed fatalities.

When reached by phone for comment, Sharif responded tersely, “I know nothing of this,” and hung up.

This is a developing story.

BUBBAS MAKE BIG MOVES New town, new coach, new digs, new club

Despite being on another team's roster, Christian McCaffrey has been named the new head coach of the West Nashville-New York Football Beelzebubbas.

By Ariel-Mutha Tafoya

FSN Sports

 

In a move that appeared to stun longtime NFFA watchers, the West Nashville Beelzebubbas today announced that the venerable franchise will split its operations, effective immediately, between Nashville and New York City.

 

In a press conference in which no questions were allowed from the press, team president Meta World Death began by telling the assembled media: “Like a shark, we must keep swimming forward.”

 

Then, to audible gasps even from some team employees, who for national security reasons had not been told of the organization’s plans, Death announced that, “Swimming forward, we will be known as the West Nashville-New York Football Beelzebubbas.” The team, he said, would play half its home games in 2024 in Colt 45 Stadium and the others in a new facility in upper Manhattan.

 

The team’s headquarters, MWD made clear, will remain in Nashville. “We will always be West Nashville’s team,” he said. But there is so much demand for what we have here that it made sense to let New Yorkers experience some of what our fans here have always enjoyed.”

 

Flanked by league founder Dr. Jorgé Linardo and Club Gitmo Sportsbook Manager and Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, MWD said the team’s new second home, at W. 155th St. and Frederick Douglass Boulevard, was ready for the annual Tito’s and Thrill Dill Bloody Mary Mix Kickoff Classic, when the Beelzebubbas host the London Bakers in a game that is widely regarded as the official tone-setter for each NFFA season.

 

The site, just across the East River from Yankee Stadium, adjoins the old location of New York’s famous Polo Grounds. In honor of that history, MWD said, and with sponsorship from the Linardo-owned Los Pollos Hermanos casual dining chicken franchise, the new Linardo Park is being dubbed “The Pollo Grounds.”

 

“Yes,’ Death said, “we’re not the first NFFA team to move beyond Nashville. Given the many assassination attempts on him, it made sense for QCurl Sharif, as the league’s moral and spiritual center, to make a clean break. Bur that led us to consider: Since there’s already a team in London, how could the greatest fantasy league in the history of the world not have a presence in New York?”

 

Since 2024 season tickets had already been sold, MWD said, ticket holders will receive full refunds and allowed to attend this year’s games in Nashville free. The team would also provide free transportation and lodging to New York for the “mini-Bacchanal” that now precedes the Kickoff Classic, and the first 40,000 to make reservations would receive tickets for the inaugural game against the Bakers.

 

Meanwhile, Death said, the team would also be opening a second Club Gitmo location to accompany the new presence in New York. Leveraging the Bubbas’ close relationships with First Nations tribes in Tennessee, the club signed an agreement to take over management of the Mohegan Sun Casino and entertainment complex near Uncasville, Connecticut. Under the agreement, the complex would be rebranded as Club Gitmo East and operate under Beelzebubbas’ management, while the Mohegan Tribe would retain a 49% ownership interest and a proportional share of all net profits. 

 

Because the casino is on the Mohegan Reservation—“a key consideration for us,” MWD said—the property is not under the jurisdiction of the U.S. government. 

 

Reporter Woody Larry attempted to shout out a question: “With your new club in central Connecticut, are you starting a turf war with the Cambridge Animals, like Nixon’s invasion of Cambodia?” At that point, the Beelzebubbas’ Fruit of Astarte security escorted Larry out of the room.

 

While journalists were absorbing the impact of this news and Larry’s removal, Death said, “I also have another announcement. Gentlemen?”

 

On cue, Beelzebubbas’ running back Christian McCaffrey and Coach Barry Switzer walked out and stood by the team owner.“Today, we’re announcing that our beloved field general, Coach Switzer, is moving to emeritus status, and we’re welcoming our new head coach, Christian McCaffrey.”

 

Seeing the confused look on reporters’ faces, MWD quickly added: “I remind you that there will be no questions, but I know what you’re thinking. McCaffrey will be playing for the Village Green this year. But that doesn’t mean he cannot also be our coach. He has always been a dual threat. He runs the ball and catches passes. He walks and chews gum. He can serve two teams at once. And this man probably has more integrity than any other player in this league who has not previously been with the Bakers.

 

“Let’s face it: This franchise is known for out-of-the-box thinking. Chris has never played for any other team. The Beelzebubbas are now part of his DNA, and Dr. Linardo regards him like the grandson he never got to have after his own son, Manuel, was tragically executed. So this was a way for Chris to stay part of the organization. He’ll have his own basement penthouse right here, next to Coach Switzer’s residence.

 

“And he has already given his assurance to our friend, Coach Stuart Smalley, that he will give the Green his utmost this season.” 

 

With that, Death left the podium. Briefly taking the microphone, Saddam reminded reporters that the Club Gitmo Sports Book was open for business. “We’re happy to take your bets as usual, gentlemen, and don’t forget you can get odds on the Animals this year now that the Curse of the Champion has indicated he might issue a waiver on DTA. Also, this afternoon only, you can get the Bakers at 80-to-1.

 

And now, as Dr. Linardo says, ‘Adios, biotches!’”

 

Breaking: In other NFFA news, FSN has learned that Jim McMahon is returning to coach his old team, the East Nashville Black Dogs. In a brief phone interview, McMahon, who has been recovering from dementia after treatment at the LinardoClinic, said, “There’s a lot I don’t remember about those championship years. But at this point I’m looking forward, not backward, so when Mr. Money offered me the job, I immediately said, ‘Yes! What job?’

 

“No, no, just kidding! I’m a lot better now, and I’m eager to get back to owning the Sea Hogs and the Alamo Scouts.”

Ballers Doin' Baller Things: Tay-Tay Buys a Piece, Kelce Trade, Another New Logo

New Ballers co-owner Taylor Swift, new Ballers TE Travis Kelce and Baller-in-Chief Mojo D chop it up on Kelce's "New Heights" podcast

By Soren Bernyn
FSPN

In a blockbuster move that has the Nashville Fantasy Football Association (NFFA) buzzing, pop icon Taylor Swift has acquired a "significant" interest in the Ballers, a team that has been a perennial contender in the league. It was a frantic week of negotiations with the Midtown Brown's Joey Vietti and Swift's business machine, and the deal was finalized around midnight(s) Friday, with Mojo D and Swift doing a brief announcement via Kelce's New Heights channels.

For most fans, the news was as surprising as it was exciting, but those in the know understand that this acquisition was years in the making. The connection between Swift and the Ballers’ majority owner, Mojo D, is a story worthy of the songwriter’s own lyrical prowess—a tale woven from the threads of music, business, and football.

The Mojo D-Taylor Swift Connection

To truly understand how this deal came together, one must rewind the clock to the early 2000s. Before Mojo D became a cryptocurrency innovator, he was a fixture on the fringe of the Nashville music scene. Around 2003, he working as a go-fer for Willis Alan Ramsey, the legendary Texas singer-songwriter. Ramsey, best known for his 1972 eponymous album and gigantic Captain & Tenille hit "Muskrat Love", was one of the first artists to recognize the burgeoning talent of a teenage Taylor Swift.

Mojo D, who at the time was just another aspiring musician, often found himself running errands, fetching coffee, and tuning guitars for Ramsey during studio and songwriting sessions. It was in this capacity that he first encountered Swift, a prodigious singer-songwriter whose raw talent was undeniable. Ramsey, known for his discerning ear, took Swift under his wing, providing her with invaluable advice and connections in the industry.

Mojo D and Swift crossed paths frequently during those formative years. Although their interactions were brief—often limited to quick exchanges in the studio or backstage at gigs—a mutual respect developed between the two. Swift, always keen on learning from those around her, absorbed the wisdom of Ramsey and his team, while Mojo D admired Swift’s work ethic and undeniable star power.

As Swift’s career took off, Mojo D pivoted away from the music industry, diving headfirst into the then-nascent world of cryptocurrency. Over the next decade, he amassed a fortune, becoming an influential figure in the crypto space. Despite his newfound wealth, Mojo D never forgot his roots in Nashville, maintaining connections with many in the music industry, including Swift.

The Ballers: You Know All Too Well

Mojo D’s foray into fantasy football was, in many ways, an extension of his love for high-stakes competition. The Ballers quickly became one of the most successful teams in the NFFA, known for their aggressive trades and mercurial draft moves. Under Mojo D’s ownership, the Ballers reached the playoffs in 10 consecutive seasons and earned 3 Dead Linardo trophies in 2012, 2014 and 2022.

However, "last season was embarrassing - the Curse of the NFFA Champion is undefeated, but no team has ever gone first-to-worst in consecutive years," Mojo D said during the pod. "We needed a top-to-bottom housecleaning in the organization, and that started with me. I knew I needed a partner to bring fresh eyes to the team, and if you've been conscious the last 12 months, you've seen the Biggest Pop Star in the World come around to her fandom of this noble and brutal game."

Mojo D re-connected with Swift in person during the Eras Tour in Singapore and Paris, where he talked to Kelce in person and realized "holy shit - this guy is THE Baller. The deal with the Browns took some delicate negotiating, but I have to say, Joey and the Don are a pleasure to do business with - real gentlemen."

The Kelce Trade: You Need to Calm Down

In what some are calling the trade of the season and detractors are calling "Mojo D's fame-whore wet dream," the Ballers sent a package of 2024 draft picks to acquire Travis Kelce, the premier tight end in fantasy football. "Travis' ability to rack up points week after week was exactly what the Ballers need to solidify their offense," according the FSPN reporter and draft specialist Ayiy Semafor.

Swift, for her part, has remained characteristically tight-lipped about her plans for the team, but those close to her say she’s already deeply involved in day-to-day operations. With Kelce anchoring the Ballers’ offense, and Swift’s business acumen guiding the franchise, the team’s future looks brighter than ever. Her only comment during the "New Heights" segment was "I guess I'm in my Ballers Era now," which elicited whoops from Kelce and Mojo D.

A New Era for the Ballers?

As the Ballers head into the 2024 season, the excitement surrounding the team is palpable. Fans are eagerly anticipating what this new era of Swift ownership will bring, both on and off the field. One thing is certain: with Swift at the helm, the Ballers are poised to make a splash in the NFFA for years to come. As the dust settles on this historic deal, one can’t help but wonder if Swift’s involvement might just be the spark that propels the Ballers to a championship victory.

THE JESUS AND HARRY CHAIN Money family reconnects with royal relatives

Bill Money's seldom-used retreat in Malibu has provided a much-needed refuge for nephew, Prince Harry, and his wife, Megan Markle.

By Ariel-Mutha Tafoya

FSN Sports

 

Bill Money turned reflective when the subject turned to the Duke of Sussex. “I know some of the royals think I’m a bad influence, or at least not the kind of influence they’d prefer,” said the normally reclusive Black Dogs owner. “But I love my nephew, and our relationship is strong.”

 

Money’s relationship with Prince Harry, the self-exiled Duke of Sussex, has received more attention lately after Harry and his American wife, Meghan Markle, began living in Money’s seldom-used Malibu retreat in California. In addition, when Harry recently returned to the UK while his father, King Charles III, received cancer treatment, the prince stayed in the guest quarters of Money’s Crossfire Hurricane Club in central London. (The club is operated by Money’s son, Jesus.)

 

Money is Harry’s uncle by virtue of his marriage to the older sister of Princess Diana, Harry’s mother. The marriage ended in divorce shortly after Jesus’ birth, and though Money had little contact with Harry and his brother William in the two decades following Diana’s death in 1997, they have grown closer over the past five years.

 

“The Windsors were very protective of the boys from anyone beyond the inner circle of blood relations,” said Sir Leicester Pynchon-Bottoms, a longtime royal family watcher and heraldry expert. “We know that Diana actually was quite fond of her ex-brother-in-law—in fact, she once confided to her sister that Prince William was named for him—but that fondness did not extend to the boys’ father or Camilla.”

 

After Harry began to move away from the royal family’s orbit, sources say, he began to seek out his uncle Bill. In recent months, the two have been seen together in Los Angeles multiple times, and in Nashville meeting with NFFA Commissioner Bernie Sanders. Sources with the Black Dogs would not confirm a rumor that Harry and Meghan will be in the owner’s box for opening day next month at Black Dog Stadium.

 

During his “residency” at the Crossfire Hurricane, Harry and his first cousin, Jesus, have grown particularly close, insiders say, and have been seen jet-skiing together on the Thames (a favorite activity that Jesus refers to as “walking on water”). One highly placed source suggested that nightclub life had been “liberating” for the prince but refused to comment on reports that a drunken Harry, urged on by Mick Jagger, had performed “Brown Sugar” for Meghan during one of the club’s regular karaoke nights.

 

Though Harry and his brother remain bitterly estranged, Money maintains a “rather jolly” relationship with Prince William, the Duke of Cambridge, according to Pynchon-Bottoms. “He must be circumspect, of course, but I believe the prince enjoys occasional opportunities to slip away for a few hours when his uncle is in London.

 

“We are told by some inside the palace that Money might even be working to become a bridge toward reconciliation between the princes.”

 

Ironically, of course, Money is not the only tie between NFFA and the royal family. After the Bakers relocated to London, team owner QCurl Sharif became a close confidante to Queen Elizabeth II, receiving a knighthood and an estate in Devonshire. Prince Phillip was reported to be a frequent guest at wild soirees thrown by Sir Q at his infamous London club, the One-Eyed Pig.

 

“Since Her Majesty’s death, Sir Q’s influence at court appears to have waned, as King Charles is a very high-minded sort, while Bill Money’s star is ascending,” said Pynchon-Bottoms. “The days are gone when the queen, on the opening Sunday of each new American football season, would cheekily order that the Bakers’ flag be hoisted briefly above Buckingham Palace in place of the Union Jack.”

 

Even so, the noted royal-watcher noted, Money’s influence on his nephews doesn’t mean that he is favored by the king. “I would assess that Charles holds Bill Money and QCurl Sharif at equal depths of disdain,” Pynchon-Bottoms said. “Surely this has something to do with the fact that he has competed against them, with singular unsuccess, for the affections of his own mother and sons.

 

“Indeed, we are told that King Charles wanted to strip SirQ of his title and his lands until his Privy Council reminded him that SirQ is more popular in Britain than he is.”

 

Jagger, co-owner of Crossfire Hurricane and a classmate of Money’s at the London School of Economics, confirmed only that he and Prince Harry had “shared some smokes and snifters of brandy” at his nightclub. But the ageless frontman of the Rolling Stones marveled at Money’s fortunes in life. 

 

“Fifty years ago, I knew that Bill would become a multimillionaire, even that he might one day run for high office in the United States,” Jagger said. “If anyone had told me he would be the uncle of the future King of England, I’d have told them to sod right off.”