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| Saddam Hussein answers a question at yesterday's press event at Club Gitmo. |
FSN Sports
The calculation of betting odds for the upcoming season may have surprised many casual NFFA fans, but for Saddam Hussein, Chief Operating Officer at the Club Gitmo Sports Book, the much-anticipated numbers pointed all along to one conclusion: 2018 looks like “the year of the Baker.”
The betting line opened on Tuesday with 3:1 odds on the London Bakers, making them the clear favorite to capture the league title this season. “Look” said Hussein at a lavish afternoon press event replete with free Touchdown Tasers® brought over from the Cherry Bomb Café, “the Bakers came within a goat’s eyeball of winning it all last year. Just five more points in the semi-final game, and they’d have taken home the Dead Lombardi Trophy that was named for their former coach.
“And they did all of that IN SPITE of carrying the curse of Tom Brady on their backs. (No team with Brady has ever won an NFFA title.) Now they don’t have Brady, and the curse is lifted. It’s a simple case of addition by subtraction. No Todd Gurley? No big deal. No Tom Brady? Huge deal.”
The Pie Town Ballers and South Franklin Independents also were among the favorites, each with 6:1 odds. “The Vapers, er, Ballers, are a perennial contender, and they don’t lose any keepers to free agency this year,” Saddam said. “They don’t have [bleep] at wide receiver right now, or their odds might be even better, but they’ll address that in the draft, we’re sure.”
As for the Independents, whose favorable odds surprised many NFFA observers, Hussein said: “Being under new management makes a big difference for this team. The old ownership had become deadweight. Suzy Fine is already serving notice that it won’t be the same old insanity with that bunch, and they now have a very strong core, especially with the trade for Ezekiel Elliott.”
Odds, followed by Hussein’s comments, for the other five franchises:
East Nashville Black Dogs — 8:1. “They don’t even have a coach right now, but they’re always a dangerous threat to win it all. The fact that Bill Money is too busy with his Senate campaign to get in the way of the operation is a plus. Don’t sleep on the Black Dogs, or they can bite your ass.”
Atlanta Smack Daddies — 12:1. “There’s a reason no one has more rings than them. They were set for a big run last year and then got destroyed by injuries right out of the gate. Besides me, who could have predicted that would happen? They could surprise this year, especially if they get the QB situation right.”
Village Green — 20:1. “Don’t get me wrong; they have some great pieces in place. But that’s going to be outweighed by erratic ownership and lack of continuity. I have no problem with putting your daughter in charge, but let’s face facts. Ivanka Trump is no Cash Money. They’d have a better chance with Uday and Qusay.”
Cambridge Animals — 100:1. “I’m not counting them out yet because they haven’t officially drafted Brady. Look for a downward revision of the odds when that happens. There may also be an upward revision if they make Zuma the Animal GM, as has been rumored. And don’t forget that the Grandmother of All Curses is still working against them. The curse of Brady is even worse, although it doesn’t mean they can’t make the playoffs.”
West Nashville Beelzebubbas — 999:1. “Our system prevents us from any odds longer than that. Curse of the champion. That’s all you need to know. No one has beaten it, ever. They might as well start stockpiling fourth-round draft picks for 2019. Go ahead and get a million of your friends to put a dollar on them. That’s a million dollars for me.”
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