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| FSN received this leaked rendering of President Trump's planned "border security structure." When he saw the image, Bubbas' Vice President for Community Engagement Chuck Barris quipped, "Looks like another prick by the wall." |
By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya
FSN Sports
During his visit to Nashville on Wednesday, President Donald J. Trump is expected to announce the building of a giant wall to separate the home turf of at least two NFFA franchises from the others in the city. According to an advance draft of the speech that Trump will deliver Wednesday evening, the Department of Homeland Security also will enforce a travel ban that will prevent Bakers owner QCurl Sharif from entering the United States and will prohibit West Nashville Beelzebubbas owner Mos Ded from appearing downtown or in Midtown and Hillsboro Village.
“The hard-working people who built this nation, this city and this great league deserve to be protected from outlaws, drug dealers and foreign influences,” read the speech draft in part. “We have a former president who is foreign-born and is using his relationship with one owner to spy on me and undermine my administration. And we have a league founder who is foreign born and connected to narcoterrorism and is giving aid and comfort to the former president of Iraq. The fantasy football carnage stops today and it stops here!”
Trump’s proposed wall would separate the 12 South turf of the Bakers from Hillsboro Village on one side and Midtown on another. It would also run along the south/west side of West End Avenue to separate Bubbas’ territory (as well as Sharif’s infamous Tree House) from the turf of the Trump-owned Village Green. As FSN has learned from anonymous sources, one version of the plan would extend the wall from the Village through Midtown and to the Cumberland River, encompassing the territory of the Downtown Corsairs and creating a barrier against the East Nashville Black Dogs.
Trump will announce on Wednesday that the Bubbas and Bakers will “pay for” the wall through a 20 percent tax on their share of gate receipts from away games – including games against the five teams beyond the Nashville area. According to Trump’s script, the wall will cost approximately $300 million.
No one from the Bakers front offices in London could be reached late Monday for comment. Speaking for the Bubbas, Mos Ded said that Trump’s order, “if it is real, represents a threat to the integrity of this league, as well as all that is pure and unholy. Maybe he didn’t read the fine print of his franchise agreement when he signed it. Somebody probably should have explained ‘E pluribus mayhem’ to him before he pledged himself to our founding principles. But as [Commissioner Jim] McMahon always liked to say, ‘Caveat emptor, bitches.’”
Meanwhile, Ded scoffed at the travel ban. “It’s plainly illegal,” he said. “Just because QCurl is a citizen of the world — or, hell, the universe — doesn’t mean he’s not a naturalized citizen of the United States. And Trump can talk all he wants about keeping me out, but it appears he and his boys may have forgotten that I’ve been able to walk through walls ever since the first time I died. I predict this will come back to haunt him.”
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