PACMAN SEES SPIRITS; DESTROYS FOES
Bakers Awaken in November to Remember II
By D.David Halberstam, BTG News
NASHVILLE – Pacman Jones believes 12th Avenue Bakers owner GQ Denney is alive and well — even if he’s dead. The new Bakers player-coach has a theory.
“I don’t spend much time on the sideline calling plays or anything,” said Jones from his condo perched high above Church Street in downtown Nashville. “So I look up in the stands, or the sky, a lot during the games. And I swear I saw GQ on top of the press box against the Smackdaddies. I watched him pace around a little and then he flew off. I didn’t tell anyone because I’m supposed to be off the tree … well, you know.
“Anyway yo, I feel his spirit or something around me when I’m down there on the field. I hope he is alive though, cause I haven’t been paid yet … I mean 2-0 gots to mean something in this town.”
Authorities are, in fact, beginning to believe the owner is alive. Statements from Devin Hester, who had gone missing for over a week after the two Bakers-related fires, have indicated that Denney threw him the keys to his paisley Hummer before the top floor of the Cherry Bomb Café was engulfed in flame. It is common knowledge that Denney had means of escape from that floor in the rear, though seldom used that led to an alley behind 12th Avenue.
“I’ve seen him fall down those stairs back there,” said former Bakers coach Snoop Dogg. “Man, I know he’s hiding somewhere, fo’ shizzle. He doesn’t know how to save face now that the word’s out on his branding thing. He’ll surface — especially now that he knows he doesn’t owe the money on the bet with McMahon. He’s gonna have a hard time staying underground if we beat the Sea Hogs this weekend. Right now the players want to win it for him.”
Suspended receiver Marvin Harrison and Denney are both listed as missing at this point. Hester has been tight-lipped regarding Harrison, however authorities are believed to be searching the Taos, New Mexico area for the two men.
In other Bakers-related news, tickets are going on sale this weekend for Bacchanal 2007, even though the line-up has not been set for the three-day event Nov.30-Dec.2. Game tickets between the Beelzebubbas and the Bakers must be purchased separately. The festival has become so popular that Satan himself was bumped from last year’s roster of acts. Various Christian groups have formed a protest coalition that will begin arriving in buses the Thursday night prior to the fest. Nine protesters died last year in festival-related events.
“I think we all learned a lot last year,” said Bakers PR maven Faith Popcorn. “The exorcism tents were obviously a bad idea. We’re going to devote that space to body art and free love this time.”
